High School Au- Bungou Stray Dogs AU

nightmares

TW: s*lf h*rm, nightmares

Dazais P.O.V.

I wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. I look at atsu. He looks so peaceful...I don't wanna bother him. I get up slowly and go into the bathroom. I splash my face with some water and try to calm down. "Dazai cmon...its just a nightmare it isn't real" I know it isn't real I just don't like having flashbacks in my sleep. I keep trying to calm myself down and subconsciously start scratching at my wrist. "No. Cmon dazai you'll be fine" once notice i try to ignore the small bit of pain and think about literally anything else. But I grab that goddamn pencil sharpener and drag it across my skin again. "Dammit. Dammut dammit dammit why did I do that" I start sobbing but keep doing it now. They aren't that deep but they're still cuts and I can't deny that. I wash my wrist off and put a bunch of bandaids on the cuts and roll my sleeves back down. I put the pencil sharpener back in my bag and make sure there's no blood in the sink. I go back to atsushis room and cuddle back up to him.

When we both wake up in the morning atsushi kisses me on the check. "H-hey" "wiat I didn't actually expect you to get flustered" he starts giggling and I feel my face get all red. "Shut up your to cute for your own good" we keep flirting back and forth for a while until we check the time. "OH SHIT SCHOOL-" I look away "im not going..." "dazai- why not is everything okay?" I stay quite and get up. "Dazai?" "Something happend last night okay? Just a nightmare that's all. Freaked me out a bit more than it shouldve-" he hugs me tightly. "If thats all that happened you woudlve told me sooner..." I feel tears start streaming down my face. "Look im sorry I just- please don't get mad at me" he looks at me "can I see your wrists?" "...how did you know- i thought was hiding it well enough" "after what happend yesterday in the bathroom I kinda assumed...' I look down and roll up my sleeves. "The new ones have bandaids over them. The other makes are old. I didn't wanna show you..." he starts crying into my shoulder. "Why wouldn't you wake me up, or the others or anything." "I...I don't know im sorry. They wernt that deep can we please not dwell on it. And don't tell chuuya and aku ill tell them when in comfortable." He nods slowly. "Ill skip the day with you, does that sound good?" I nod. "And did you make sure you washed the cuts off" "yeah...don't worry." "And what did you do it with. Whatever it is im taking it from you" i stay quite. "Dazy im not trying to seem angry im just worried about you" "...a old broken pencil sharpener. Its what I always use." I sob into my own hands and for a second then give it to atsushi. "Its probably best if you take it from me...I don't know why I'm still holding onto it..." "im proud of you" "for what-?" "Getting this thing away from yourself. Im gonna go throw it out and ill tell the others you aren't going to school. You can cry intknmy pillows until im back" I nod slowly.

When he leaves I stare at my wrists. "I can't even keep a simple little promise whats wrong with me..." I grab atsus pillow and start screaming and crying into it.