High School Au- Bungou Stray Dogs AU

im trying

TW: thought and mentions of s*lf h*rm.

Dazais P.O.V.

After a few classes go by I end up hiding in that bathroom again. But I don't tell anyone. I just stay there and cry. I cry so much I can hardly breathe. I keep having panick attacks i try to calm myself down but it never works. Only thing that ever works is talking to atsushi or...cutting... I stare at my cut up wrists from the week before. I promised everyone I'd try to stop. I start crying into my sleeves again. The bad thoughts keep screaming in my head. "STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT I DONT WANNA LET THEM ALL DOWN AGAIN." I didn't mean to scream that out loud. I grab my phone and call atsu. He answers after a few seconds. "Dazai is everything okay-" "no. Im hiding in the bathroom again" "ill be there in a second" "thanks..."

Once he gets here he hugs me and I hug him back. "I wouldn't have bothered you if I didn't need to- i tried to calm myself down but-" "hey its gonna be okay" "my mind starting having...really bad thoughts" "calm down dazy. Its gonna be okay." I start sobbing into his shoulder. "We can all stay at your place again right?" "Of course." That calms me down a little bit. "Did you do anything to yourself before you called me?" "No...thats why I called. So I didn't end up cutting again." After that im sobbing so much I can't even talk. He stays with me until the day is over and we go find chuuya and aku. "Hey guys." "Dazai are you okay you look...sad" "im always sad. And yes im fine" I sigh and grab onto atsushis hand. "Can we get going now" they all nod.

Once we all get there chuuya and aku both passout. I think they were to scared mori would find us so they couldn't sleep. I can't blame them. Me and atsushi go to his room again and j flop onto his bed. "Thanks for calming me down" "of course" we both stay quite for a second. "What happens if...oh who am I kidding. When me and the others need to go back. Mori will literally kill us." Atsushi looks at me. "I...I don't know. But you can stay here as long as you need to and whenever you need to." "Thanks..." I look away. I feel so bad for making him deal with all this. He kisses my cheek and hugs me. I lay my face on his chest and i actually feel safe. "Dazai you should get some sleep" I burry my face in my arms. "Fiinnee"