High School Au- Bungou Stray Dogs AU

It was an accident.

TW: s*lf h*rm, su*c*dal urges, panic attack

Dazais P.O.V.

A few days go by. At school I end up having another panic attack in the bathroom. I'm so fucking exhausted. I stare at my arms. I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'll be fine. I just sob Into my legs for a good while before grabbing another blade I stole...just one, one tiny cut, it won't matter. No ones gonna see, no one would even care. It won't even hurt that bad. I tell myself that's all I'm gonna do but the second I feel the sharp pain on my arm my thoughts start racing faster than I can even understand. I grab my phone and call atsushi. He picks up after a few rings. "Dazai-" "hi I know your in class right now but I'm hiding in the bathroom again and I really can't be alone like if I'm alone for any longer I'll probably end up slitting my wrists and bleeding out" "WOAHWOAHWOAH- calm down what's going on"
I just answer with sobs. A few minutes later he opens the door to this dumb abandoned bathroom and hangs up the phone. "Daz..." I just stare at him. I know he can see my arm and the blood on the ground and the blade in my hand. I don't even care. "I..I'm sorry...it was only one tiny one I swear..." "let me see" I show him the cut on my arm and he starts crying. "I'm sorry-" "you need to stop!" "I'm trying..." I look down at the floor. "I called you so I didn't end up killing myself...I just wanna slit my wrists as deep as I can and have this all be over" "NO" "I...I'm not gonna..." he grabs the blade away from me. "Where do you keep getting these" I just stay quite.

When we all get back to atsushis house chuuya and akutagawa look at us. "Uh- hey Dazai can we like...have a talk with you real quick...alone." They look at atsuhsi and back at me. I nod and atsuhsi walks upstairs. "Yeah, what is it?" "I don't know how to put this...we both know what conversation is about to happen..I just don't wanna bring it up so harshly-" akutagawa inturepts chuuya and looks at me. "Are you cutting again" I stay quite. "Aku-" "we can't sit here and shuagrcoat our questions for ever" "look Dazai...we won't be mad, your just obviously getting bad again..." I look down. "Did he tell you..." "what-" "did atsuhsi tell you or did you figure it out on your own" "...he didn't tell us- Dazai roll up your sleeves-" "NO- I don't want you to see. Your gonna get upset, it isn't that bad I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine." "Daz. Calm down" I wipe my tears and roll up my sleeves. "Is this what you wanna see? I'm sorry I'm like this..." they both hug me and I don't say a word. "...Dazai are the newest ones from today?" "...yeah"

Once I go upstairs Atsushi lets me sob as long as I need to. "IM SORRY. I DONT KNOW WHY I DID IT AGAIN, I REALLY THOUGHT I WAS GETTING BETTER IM SORRY-" "Dazai. It's okay, it's just part of getting better...it can't just happen over night." I stay quite and hug him.