High School Au- Bungou Stray Dogs AU

waste of space

TW: e*ting d*sorders, homophobia, s*lf h*rm mentions and urges, panick attacks

Dazais P.O.V.

Thank God the next day is a weekend. Mori calls me again and I actually answer. "Hello?" "Where the hell are you!?!" "Why the hell do you only care after the school calls you!?! Did you even notice we were gone!?!" "Answer my question you goddamn f****t." "NO- AND WHY DOES MY SEXUALITY MATTER IN THIS!?!" "honestly just stay gone. No one wants you here anyway, I feel sorry for whatever boy your clinging onto just do him and everyone else a favor and die" he hangs up the phone and I start shaking. I get up and walk to atsus room and face plant onto his bed. "Dazai- what happend" "MORI FUCKING CALLED ME AND TOLD ME TO KILL MYSELF AND...AND..." I start screaming into my hands and atsushi runs his hands through my hair. "Woah woah woah calm down." "GIVE ME MY FUCKING RAZOR BLADES BACK" "No." "Please..." "no dazai. Hurting yourself isn't gonna help anything you just need to calm down and breath" "are you sure..?" "Yes I'm sure." He kisses me on the check and I stop being so tense. "You should block him" "y-yeah...I'm gonna...later..." I lay my head on his shoulder and he wraps his arms around me and we both lay down.

We both fall asleep for an hour or two and when we wake up we actually get up. All that happend pretty early in the morning. "We should probably get up now" "yeah" "also did you eat anything yesterday? Sorry I was so caught up with everything I didn't remeber to ask" he gets quite. "Atsushi?" "A tiny bit at school but that's really it. I'm really sorry ill eat today" "alright but this isn't good for you...not eating for most the day." He grabs my shoulder and starts sobbing into it. "I knoe im sorry I just don't wanna feel like a waste of space-" "your not a waste of space atsu." He stays quite and starts walking downstairs. I follow him. "You're not a waste of space!" "I am unless I starve myself-" "no. No your not." He turns around and drags me back to his room. "I'm gonna be honest...im a lot worse than what I said" "what...?" "Most the time I don't eat anything at all and before you were here I'd lay in my bed for hours and sob and cry and just wish somebody loved me. My parnets never cared so I thought nobody else would either..." he falls into my arms and I hug him tightly. "Atsu...your parents don't matter...and please eat something" he burries his head in my shoulder. "BUT IM SUCH A WASTE OF SPACE AND I NEED TO MAKE UP FOR IT SOMEHOW...CUTTING HURTS TO MUCH SO- so..uhm...changing subjects let's go downstairs." "Atsu what do you mean. What the hell do you mean." He stays quite. "What do you mean cutting hurts to much why do you know." "..I was younger okay it wasn't any time recently...I just wanted to see what it felt like I thought it would help but it didn't..." "atsushi..." "look im sorry can we go now" "...never do that again, and you need to eat." He stays quite for a second and starts talking again. "Okay well- it was mostly when I was younger I've done it once or twice when the school year started but I couldn't handle the pain so I stoped...but speaking of you shouldn't be cutting either" I sigh and grab his hand "I know I know...now come eat" "fine..."