High School Au- Bungou Stray Dogs AU

when will it stop

TW: s*lf h*rm, su*c*de, panick attacks

Dazais P.O.V.

Once we all got back to atsushis house we told him what happend with all the phone call shit. He looks at us and hugs me. "Atsu can we go upstairs please...?" "O-okay" once we get in his room I just stand there. "Is it about what happend at school today..?" I look away. "Yeah...my immediate reaction to it all...wasn't the best" "yeah I kinda expected that..." he looks at me and then at my arms. "You keep scathing at them" I feel tears start flowing out of my eyes. No fuck shit stop crying. "Dazai-" "why am I crying what the fuck" "roll up your sleeves please" he puts his hand on my shoulder. "No. Your gonna be mad at me plus I don't wanna see you cry because of me" "so you cut?" I nod slowly. "Can I see?" "I'm covered in bandages so you wouldn't even see anything-" "did you even wash them off?" "...no" "okay let me help you with that and then you can hide them okay?" I start shaking my head no and he hugs me.

We stay like that with me sobbing for a while before I let go and look at the floor. "Do I have to show you..." "yes" we both sigh and I roll up my sleeves and unwrap the bandages. "I know its bad...like...really bad- I almost passed out i just didn't know what to do-" he starts winning off the dried blood and saying calming things to me. I keep crying and apologizing and he kisses my check. "I get it. You panicked buy dazai please this needs to stop" "i...I know..." once we cleans my cuts off he puts new bandages over them. "Do the others know?" "No...i mean they probably figured it out but I didn't tell them..." we both stay quite for a while. "I've alwyas been like this so stop trying to fix me it isn't going to work" "what do you mean-?" "I mean I've been cutting ever since I can remember and I've attempted at least once ever year ever since I was thirteen..." he just looks at me. "I'm trying to get better i really am but it isn't working" "dazai im..." "and mori never cared hell one time he even told me how to kill myself..." I start sobbing into his shoulder. "Dazai I'm so sorry. You don't desevre any of this. Your gonna get better I promise" "WHEN!?! IVE BEEN WAITING AND WAITING AND THIS WILL CHANGE!?!" "Dazai..." "nope I quit I fucking quit" I stand up but he clings onto me. "Let me go. Let me go. Forget I was ever here." "What the hell dazai are you gonna.." his voice starts cracking and he starts crying before he can finish talking but we both know what he's gonna say and what the answer is. "Yes now let me go." "No." I stay quite and give in. "Fine. You win. Ill keep living utter hell." "Its gonna get better I promise." "Then why hasn't it yet!?!" "Because you just got away from that asshole that shouldn't ever be called your dad. Its gonna take time to heal" I stay quite and grab his hand. "Dazai what did you do those cuts with anyway...?" "..razor blades I didn't tell you I had...they're in my bag."