The Pussy Destroyer

Chapter 21-Umbitch

I strutted my way into the sexy great hall, which was lit up my candles, and the choir was singing side to side by Ariana Grande. I sat down once again next to Ron, who looked at me in shock, food tumbling out of his mouth.

"Oh honestly Ronald learn some manners" Hermione said. Ron ignored this and continued to stare at me.

"Bloody hell" he smirked, before the sound of fabric ripping was heard, and we looked down to see a hard lump around his crotch. Lavender scowled at me from the other side of the table before continuing to fart soothingly. 

Suddenly Dumbledaddy stood up a d started to talk with his raspy, sexy voice. I was getting wetter and wetter by the second when all of a sudden a pink toad stood up from the teachers table. 

Her voice was sickly sweet as was her fuchsia coloured outfit, and every now and then she would clear her throat in an irritating way.

"If she doesn't stop clearing her throat I sure will block it myself" I heard Fred mutter. "Here here." Replied George, "Big booty Buttercup isn't the only one taking a big boat down the Seine"

Footsteps came padding my way, and I looked over to see a blonde haired Ravenclaw skipping towards our table. She looked as if she were in a trance, and from her earrings dangled two Radishes. 

"Beans...." She softly said when arriving at our table, before spinning on her heels and skipping away.

--

"Good morning children" The sickly voice said in a babyish voice. The class spun around to find Umbitch slowly walking down the defence against the dark arts room. "Ordinary Wizarding Level Examinations. O! W! L's! More commonly known as O.W.L.S!" she giggled at the end of her sentence.

I heard Padma snort at this, then I realised she was just doing crack at the back of the classroom with Seamus. Umbitch didn't take any notice and continued to do a frenzied tap dance at the front of the classroom. She started frizbeeing textbooks across the classroom; one hit Dean in the nose, and he pulled his hand out of his pants to rub it.

"Professor," Hermione started, "there's nothing in here about using defensive spells?" 

"Using spells? Well I can't imagine why you would need to use spells in my classroom."

"We're not gonna use magic?" Ron and I said at the same time.

"You will be learning about defensive spells in a secure, risk free way" Umbridge said again with that annoyingly faux-sweet voice.

"Well what use if that, if we're gonna be attacked it wont be risk free..."

"Students will raise there hands when they speak in my class" Umbridge said suddenly, her voice turning dark and sharp, causing Dean to stop wanking in surprise.

"And how's theory supposed to prepare us for what's out there?" I continued, not giving a flying fuck about what Umbitch just said. She gave one of her annoying little giggles again.

"There's nothing out there dear. Who'd you imagine wants to attack school children, like yourselves?"

"Hmmmm I don't know maybe, Lord Voldemort." Harry sarcastically said, like the bad bitch he said. 

Umbridge's face dropped entirely, her expression becoming flustered and pissed. "Now," she said "let me make this quite clear. You have been told that a certain, dark, sexy wizard is at large, once again. This. Is. A. Lie-"

"IT'S NOT A LIE I SAW HIM I FUC- FOUGHT HIM" 

"DETENTION Mr Potter,"

"So according to you Cedric Diggory dropped dead at his own accord then?"

I moaned loudly at his name, causing a scowl from a familiar voice come from the back of the classroom.

"Cedric Diggory's death was a tragic accident."

I couldn't take this anymore, and shoving my desk aside I stood up, to defend the boy who had played me, like the sexy queen I am. I yelled, "YOU CUNT IT WAS MURDER SURELY YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT-"

"ENOUGH" Umbitch screamed with such aggression that a strong fart was let out at the same time.

"See me later, Mr Potter, Miss Buttercup, my office. Hee-hee🕺🏽"

Shaking like my vibrator, I sat down, quickly glancing to the back of the classroom, noticing Draco Malfoy starting at me intensely, leaving me wondering what he was thinking about for the rest of the day, until it was time for mine and Harry's detention.