{satire}
"i can destroy everyones pussy in this room, apart from yours. It's very frustrating."
Lilah Buttercup is a quirky, shy and goofy girl who's beauty outshines anyone in her path. She's not the type to fall for a bad boy like Malfoy... but so...
I woke up on a bright Saturday morning, and got dressed into my fave outfit:
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Wiping my cum fingers on my jeans, I walked out of my dorm two see five sixth formers having an orgy.
"Care to join us baby😏" one of them smirked, before he moaned as another girl put her finger up his ass.
I left the Gryffindor common room and made my way down the grand staircase.
Hermione had called an emergency meeting in the hogs head, so I made my way towards the rickety bridge.
A Hufflepuff greeted me with a soothing growl as I cartwheeled across the corridors, like the crazy girl I am ( you can't take me anywhere!😝).
—
When we arrived at the Hog's head, I sat down in between Fred and George, who smirked as my fat ass landed on a wooden stool.
Lavender came in, and I gave her a cold stare. She rolled her eyes in response, before continuing to stroke Ron's bum.
"Erm...Hi" Hermione's voice broke the silence.
A third year let out a wet fart in response.
"soooo.. you all know why we're here, we need a teacher... a proper teacher.. someone who has experience with sucki- i mean the dark arts." Hermione continued nervously.
"Why?"
"why? because you know who's back you cumslut!" Ron replied angrily. Harry calmed him down by tickling his kneecap.
"So he says"
"So Dumbledore says"
"So Dumbledore says because he says, question is where's the proof?"
"Potter could tell us more about how Diggory died that night..." a fourth year chipped in.
Harry's eyes rolled back in response, reminiscing his experience. "It was HUGE ! I was drooling at the sight.. don't even get me started about how he wrapped his hands around my-"
"Harry! HARRY!" Hermione whisper shouted, "I think they meant what happened when Voldemort killed Cedric.."
"Oh. OH! Oh no no... i'm not here to talk about Cedric so you might as well clear off" he snarled. He muttered something to Hermione, attempting to walk away.
"Is it true you can produce a patronus charm?" Luna said dreamily. She was wearing a pair of fluffy buttplugs as earrings.
"Yes.. yes i've seen it"
"in second year he killed the basilisk with the sword of Gryffindor" moaned Ron.
"in third year he fingered a hundred dementors at once"
"and last year he really did fuc- FIGHT fight you know who in the flesh" Hermione agreed.
"I nearly always had help-" Harry spoke up.
"He's just being modest" Hermione groaned sexily.
"No Hermy I'm not." He stood up, "facing this stuff in real life, isn't like school. In school you can just try again... but when you're moments away from being murdered.. or fuc- watching a friend die right before your eyes... you don't know what that's like" His speech was so deep and moving that I hadn't noticed his hand down his jeans.
"Which is why we need your help." Hermione continued, "because if there's any chance of beating V-Voldemort...we'll need all the help we can get."
"He's really back?" Nigel asked, causing Harry to nod in response.
--
Everyone had left the Hog's head, and i carried back the list of names, who'd all signed up to be a part of Dumbledore's army:
Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Lilah Buttercup, Ron, Ginny, Paris Weasley, Jasmine Moher, Natalie Kavanagh, Padma and Parvati Patil, Luna Lovegood, Cho Chang, Neville Longbottom, Nigel Walpurt, Ernie Macmillan, Dean Thomas, Marietta Edgecombe, Katie Bell, Alicia Spinnet, Angelina Johnson, Lee Jordan, Zacharias Smith, Susan Bones, Dennis Creevy, Justin Ficnh-Fletchley, Colin Creevey, Hannah Abbot, Michael Corner, Lavender Brown and your mum.
As I approached the cock tower, I looked up to see Umbitch making out with Filch. "Get a load of this you guys!" I said, pointing up at them. The other's laughed and I proceeded to burp.
As if summoned by my mouth fart, Daddy Draco suddenly emerged from behind a wall, which he leaned against, crossing his arms in a sexy manor😏.
"What do you all think your doing?" He questioned suspiciously, eyeing us up and down.
"It's none of your business Malfoy" Ginny snarled, causing me to purr in response. Draco's eyes flickered over to mine and his gaze softened.
He chuckled to himself, "don't worry, I wont snitch" He responded, before turning on his heels and moonwalking away.
The rest of the group looked on with utter shock and confusion, while I simply smiled to myself, burying my face in my scarf to hide the blush forming on all four of my cheeks.
--
lmao sry i have a lot of work rn but exams are in exactly a month so then i'll be free to write a load of juice stuff🦵🏽😩🦵🏽
