Online Diary

4/10/21

Ugh, my English class is utter shit.

You'd think I would like it! I love writing! I love reading! What more is there to English?? I've always enjoyed and    excelled in my ELA classes!! But I hate this class! The stuff he's having us do is just... ugh. Every week we do this "Article of the Week" (AOW) where we read, annotate, and write about an article. I'm supposed to be doing AOW 10 right now, but I don't want to. I'm just doing the one he provided because I don't have the energy to choose my own, but still! It's gross! I think it's my perfectionism that's the problem, I want to do it well but I just have zero motivation ever.

Also, he never gives us fun things to read! In our short story unit, all the short stories were super depressing (All Summer in a Day, The Sniper, Lamb to the Slaughter, The Paper Menagerie, etc.), and for this most recent unit we read the Odyssey, which I hated btw because the characters were dicks (imagine cheating on your wife twice and expecting her to be faithful! The audacity!) and NOW we're reading Romeo and Juliet! The tragedy! Like, jeez! How does he find so many depressing/angering things to assign?? I'm at the point where I genuinely enjoy my math class (and I don't like math) more than English! That is a feat in of itself!

And to top it off, Friday's are no longer asynchronous. In case I never mentioned it before, Wednesdays and Fridays used to be asynchronous (no zoom), but now since some students are going back to school in person (as of April 8th), Friday's aren't asynchronous anymore. The teachers are thrilled, of course, and some of the students, but I'm unhappy about it because it's more zoom (bad) and less time to do schoolwork (bad). I understand why they did it, but I'm still salty about it.

Also, the day before yesterday, my friend J got kicked out of their mom's house. Their mom is a transphobic fuck, and I guess had a hissy fit and kicked them out without warning. J lives back with their mom now, btw. In a different state. They had moved here around the middle of second(?) quarter to live with their aunt, but they had to go back because their younger brother lived with their mom and all their friends (and boyfriend) lived in that state too. I'm pretty sure they're safe and back in their house (for now), but it's upsetting. Their aunt is generally a nice lady but very strict about grades, so she's turning off their cell service whenever they get bad grades. I personally think they should confront her about it, but I know that they know what's safest for them, and they also just think it's not worth pursuing. It's frustrating that I can't do anything to help other than be someone to talk to, but c'est la vie.

On Monday (4/5), which was asynchronous because teachers needed to set up their classrooms, I went to the optometrist. Surprise surprise! My vision is worse! Today I went to target with my mom and sister to get new glasses, but there was an issue with the system so we just chose our frames (my mom wanted new sunglasses) for today. I'll be getting a pair of prescription sunglasses as well, which will be really fun! I've never had any before.

It will not surprise you that I'm writing this to procrastinate on doing my schoolwork. Also, I just felt like complaining. It's getting hot outside (in a few weeks it will officially be hot as FUCK), and there is a yellow haze in the air. There was a huge storm last night, so not everything is yellow, but when you look outside after a few days there's a few millimeters of pollen coating everything. No, I am not exaggerating. It is officially pollen season. Also, bugs have started coming out. Ew. There was a wasp thing in the living room a few days ago (located with the help of Pepper), which I got my mom to dispatch, and flies have started with their bullshit.

Eugh.

I kinda feel like shit emotionally, and I'm not quite sure why? It's probably just *gestures vaguely at everything* culminating, or a lack of social interaction with anyone but my family, or I'm not eating right, or something. Or maybe? I'm just depressed. Idk. But I'm like this close to crying at any given moment. So, I am not doing amazing right now. I feel unhappy and mean and gross, and you'd think that I'd feel better since I just had spring break, but seriously, I am almost done with 9th grade! I have spent my whole ninth grade in quarantine! And yes, I could technically have gone back to school but like??? What would that do???? None of my friends are there!! I'd be back in school for like, 9 days total or something idk, maybe 16?? Somewhere between 9-18, I think, with how cohorts are set up. Just 9-18 days of having to get up and get dressed earlier, and have my parents drive me to/from school, just to do zoom at a desk (and less comfortable chair) instead. It's the bad stuff with none of the benefits.

Ugh, I'm making myself feel worse with all this complaining. I'm going to listen to some music, pet my cats, then do my schoolwork. Have a good day.

Luv you <3