mysteries & secrets | mileven

thirty-one

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE;
• PAST •

"twirl again for me again." mike grins as el twirls around again, "how pretty do i look?"

"so pretty. absolutely stunning, el." he pulls her onto the bed. she giggles, "don't do that, i might accidentally flash or something with this top." she covers herself.

"well then i gotta see." he smirks.

"no! i don't have much makeup on and it smudged." she frowns as he furrows his eyebrows.

"um i... kinda have some scars on my stomach and just my torso and stuff. it's nothing major but i like to cover them up." she explains to him.

"can i see?" he asks.

"i have a little makeup there but sure." she sits up and moves her jacket away a bit.

she uses her arm to smudge the makeup then turns to him, "here. don't judge... please."

"h-how did you get these?" he asks softly, a finger tracing over them.

"father." she whispers. "these were left over marks, some made by... me."

"oh el." he hugs her, "i'm sorry i asked."

"it's okay. i just- he just- he hurt me a lot and so i hurt myself even more." she whispers.

"i'm sorry i ask-"

"it's fine. i have to learn to talk about it without breaking down and besides, i kind of wanna talk about it. can i...?" she asks as he nods quickly.

she smiles softly then lays down besides him and lays on his chest.

"so when i was little about 3 or 4 years old, my fathers company or something started to fail. we were all sad and miserable, we lived in this small house like any family. his friends then told him about the mafia, he had friends in them and he joined. he then fled and started his own and it was a success obviously." she then takes a deep breath.

"then something just clicked in him was what kai explained. he got angrier at everyone and by the time i could remember things, he had already started to take his anger out on me. it started off with small whips and slaps here and there for punishment and somehow it moved to the basement. when i was old enough, he made me seduce men for information and if i didn't do a good job he would lock me up and starve me and all sorts of things. it went on for years and no one could do anything about it because when mama tried, he beat her up."

"remember that day we went to kai's? that man in the chair told me my father took photos of me. it was any type of photo but it was one when he made me strip naked and then he put something i-inside of me. i think it was his fingers or something but i'm still not sure myself. things got even worse from there and then a month after he got even angrier than usual."

"that's when i realised that i didn't want to live such life and i started to self harm. a week after, the kai thing happened. he was my rock, i didn't end it the day before because i heard him and mama laughing. but then he died, out of nowhere and i couldn't see him so i started to fall into deep depression. i didn't eat for a week and it wasn't like papa let anyways. he would make me throw things up. i suffered from a eating disorder at the time too, i couldn't eat. i couldn't stand putting things in my mouth that'll make me live. one night, mama and father were downstairs eating dinner. i was still up in my room and then i just didn't want to breathe anymore."