Gone || Ashton Irwin

Chapter 27

The rest of the break dragged on horribly slow.

Ashton hadn’t spoken to me since I invited him to dinner with me. He hadn’t answered texts or calls and quite frankly, I’d stopped trying to make contact with him. It was hard. So incredibly hard. But I’d survived without him once and I could do it again.

Luke had basically been living at my house since that night. He hadn’t left my side, afraid I’d have some sort of mental breakdown and try something stupid like before. He told me he didn’t like the things I did before and he’d hate himself forever if he let me do them again. So we spent the rest of the week on the couch eating ice cream and watching movies just like we used to. It was nice to have Luke back. I didn’t even realize how much I’d missed him until I had him back.

It was difficult for me to keep my composure in front of Luke. As much as I wanted to spend time with him, it took every ounce of my strength to not burst into tears every five minutes. I was upset with Ashton and upset with my dad and upset with myself. It was like every horrible emotion I’d experienced before was just rushing back to me in this monsoon and I was drowning in my thoughts. I felt lonely and confused and stupid and worthless and everything was a mess in my head. All the negativity I’d fought so hard to get rid of was coming back just because of one horrible weekend. I wanted it to stop. I wanted it to go away. I wanted to stay as happy as possible, even if I was still mostly miserable. I didn’t want people’s actions and attitudes to have such an effect on me, but I wasn’t strong enough yet. I couldn’t hold myself together like that.

Not talking to Ashton killed me. I hated to admit it. I would never admit it. Not out loud, at least. He had been gone for so long and I’d just gotten him back and I’d been stupid and pushed him to his breaking point. He didn’t even want me in his life anymore. He refused to speak to me. Luke said he didn’t want to hear from me, Michael wouldn’t say a word about him, and Calum, well he just ignored me altogether. I missed Ashton. Even if we were fighting or crying the whole day, he would just hold me at night while I cried myself to sleep. I took his arms around me for granted. I wanted them back, but at this point, I was afraid I would never have them again.

I had my whole world in my hands but I pushed him away so much, he left.

 

~~~

 

“Val, c’mon. Something’s up.” Luke says with a frown.

“I’m just tired, Luke. Didn’t sleep well last night.” I answer, opening his car door and stepping into the school’s parking lot. “But thanks for the ride. I’ll see you after school, yeah?”

“Yeah, sure.” He replies with a wave as I make my way towards the school.

I walk straight towards my locker and put my combination in, opening it. I grab my books and slam my locker door shut, dragging my feet to my first class. Shrugging my book bag farther up my shoulder, I make my way into Ms. Jones’ classroom and take my seat at the back of the classroom.

“Hey, Val.” May says, sliding into her seat next to me. “How was your break?”

“It was good.” I tell her with a quiet laugh. “How was yours?”

“Awesome. I just slept the whole time and watched Netflix.”

“Sounds great.” I say with a polite laugh.

“Hey, so I heard Ashton’s back.” May says, lowering her voice to a whisper. “Have you two talked?”

“Yeah. Things didn’t really work out.”