Gone || Ashton Irwin

Chapter 8

"I heard you and Luke got in a fight." Patty tells me, looking at me intently from across the table.

Getting myself to go to Ashton's house almost killed me. I had to circle around the block for almost twenty minutes before I forced myself to pull up to his driveway. Just walking into the house made me nauseous. But I had to suck it up.

So here I am. Sulking in Ashton's kitchen, pushing Patty's ravioli around my plate.

"Yeah, we did." I tell her with an awkward laugh. "How'd you know?"

"Luke comes over every day. Just sits in Ashton's room for a while." Patty says. I notice the bags under her eyes have gotten darker. She looks skinnier. Paler. Weaker.

"Oh."

"Sometimes he goes to the garage and plays Ashton's drumsets. Just beats on them with the drum sticks. Usually comes back in crying, poor boy."

"That's terrible."

Patty nods. "He's been going through so much. I can only imagine how bad you're doing."

"He's worse off than me." I tell her with a gentle smile. "I'm doing okay."

"Did he send you a letter too?" She asks, her eyes suddenly lighting up.

"A letter?" I ask, dropping my fork. I quickly apologize and look back up at her.

"Yeah, he sent everyone letters."

"I didn't get one."

"Well Luke, Michael, and Calum did."

"I didn't get one." I repeat, my heart plummeting. "I wrote him already. He didn't answer."

"I'm sure it's just a screw up with the mailing system. You should be getting it any day now."

"Yeah." I tell her with a forced laugh. "I'm sure it's just a mistake." I put a piece of ravioli in my mouth and force myself to eat it. "Um, did he mention me at all in his letter?"

"Not in mine, sorry sweetie."

"Oh."

"But you can always ask Luke."

"I'm not sure he'll want to talk to me, Patty. I screwed up. Really bad."

"I'm sure he'll forgive you. He needs you."

"Yeah." I mutter.

~~~

"Can you please get out of your room?" My mom asks, knocking on the door.

"No." I whine.

"Valerie, just come outside for a few minutes."

"I don't want to."

"Valerie Hart, come out of your room right now."

I groan and roll off of my bed before opening the door. "What?"

"Come into the living room. We have company."

"Mom, it's late." I whine.

"Just come on."

I sigh and walk into the living room behind my mother. I see Luke sitting on the couch, clutching an envelope. He looks up at me and gives me a desperate look.

"Um, mom, could we have a minute?" I ask.

"Sure, honey." My mom says before walking down the hall into her room.

I take a seat next to Luke and he shifts awkwardly.

"I'm sorry." I mutter. "I should've said something about Ashton and it was wrong of me not to. You deserved to know. You're his best friend and it was a big deal and I shouldn't have kept it a secret. I just thought I was enough, Luke. But I obviously wasn't, or else he wouldn't have tried to kill himself."

"I shouldn't have lashed out at you." He says. "I mean, we both know pretty damn well this was your fault, but I didn't have to make you feel shitty about it."

"Yeah."

"Yeah." Luke says quietly. "But hey, did you get a letter?"

"No."

"He sent me one. He's doing good. He said his arms don't hurt anymore and the people there are really nice but the food sucks balls and he can't wait to come home and eat. He said he wants to binge the night he gets out. Just go around town and get food from everywhere."

I can't help but smile, even though I don't want to. I look down at my hands, and bite down on my lip.

"He also said that he's still not feeling very well. He's still really upset and now he's even more upset because they took him away from everyone. He says he's gonna rough it out, though. Said he's gonna come back even better looking than ever."

I stifle a giggle and look up at Luke. "So, um, anything else?"

"Nope. Except for the fact he wants me and the rest of the guys to keep up with the band. Not sure how that's gonna go, though."

"Did he mention me at all?"

Luke exhales slowly before shaking his head slowly. "No, sorry."

"I'm glad he's doing okay." I say.

"I'm sure he'll send you one. Did you send him one first? That's what I did."

"Yeah, I sent it."

"I don't know, then."

"Patty says it's a problem with the mail system but I'm calling bullshit." I say, my voice emotionless. "He doesn't want to write me."

"I'm sure he just needs some space for a while."

"I'm giving him space! Three hours of space for who knows how long because I was an idiot! Great! Now he needs more space! This is just what I needed, Luke. More fucking space."

"Val, I'm sure he didn't mean it like that-"

"Go home, Luke. I wanna go to bed."

"I'll pick you up tomorrow. Same time."

"Yeah, okay."