Gone || Ashton Irwin

Chapter 15

“I need help getting my grades up.” I tell Ms. Jones the next day. “I’ll do extra credit, book work, whatever it takes.”

“Well that’s more enthusiasm from you that I’ve seen in quite a while.” She tells me with a soft smile. “You doing okay?”

“Yeah, I think I am.” I tell her with a forced smile.

It was hard to get out of bed this morning. I had to drag myself up and get ready, forcing myself to put effort into my appearance. I made myself eat breakfast and had a lot of trouble holding it down, but managed to do it.

So here I am, after school, talking to Ms. Jones about getting my grades up.

I’m determined to get better.

I can’t stay sad forever.

Right?

“Okay, well, you’ve got a lot of work to catch up, but I think you can definitely start by turning in some of your homework. And the final project at the end of the semester should help your grade go up loads if you do a good job on it. I’ll think of some more stuff to help your grade tonight and let you know next class, alright? I’m glad you’re putting some effort into this, Valerie. You’re a smart girl.”

“Thank you.” I tell her with a soft smile.

“Anytime.” She tells me, flashing me a smile before turning back to her computer. I thank her again quietly before exiting the room.

“Hey, Val!” Someone calls out from behind me.

I turn my head and smile slightly as Luke runs up to me.

“Hi Luke.” I tell him with a smile.

“Val, I have the greatest news.” He says, his face lighting up.

“What is it?” I ask, trying so fucking hard to keep the smile plastered on my face. I have to get better for Ashton. I have to.

“I got the band back together.”

“You did?” I ask, my smile slowly getting bigger.

“Yeah.” He tells me, nodding his head. “We even had a practice thing. I mean, it was good, but not as good as when Ashton plays the drums.”

“It’s bound to be a little different.” I tell him softly. “But I’m really glad you guys are back together.”

“Me too.” Luke says with a soft smile. “Thank you, Val.”

“Don’t thank me. I’m the one who started this anyway.”

“Val-”

“I’m gonna head home. I’ve got a ton of homework to do.”

“Homework?”

“I’m trying to sort myself out.” I explain.

“Hart, that’s great.” Luke says, a grin spreading across his face.

“Thanks, Hemmings. I’ll see you around.”

 

~~~

“Nice to see you, Valerie. I’m Dr. Perkins, but you can call me Lydia.” She says, a warm smile on her face.

I stare at her blankly, taking in her appearance. She looks relatively young, with long auburn hair and sparkling blue eyes. She gives me a smile that seems to be genuine that I don’t return.

“So,” She says with a slight laugh. “Why are you in here today?”

“I want to feel better.” I whisper.

“I heard all about the glass incident, Valerie. That doesn’t seem very healthy.”

“So I threw glass at a wall. Big fucking deal. That was forever ago, anyway.” I mutter quietly.

“How are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

“Valerie, are you going to sit here and lie to me the whole time?”

“I don’t know.”

“Listen, I understand what you’re going through must be really tough and that your emotions are all over the place-”

And then I zone her out.

She doesn’t understand. She doesn’t know what it’s like to think the love of your life is dead. She doesn’t know what it’s like to figure out he’s alive but doesn’t want to be. She doesn’t know what it’s like to have him just stripped away from you. He was a part of me and now he’s gone. It’s like he was never here.

But fuck, I have to try for him. I have to fucking try.

“I just wanna get better. I wanna be able to feel happy and to eat without throwing up and to not feel so empty. I just want to be the way I was before.”

“I already talked to your mother about medication. How would you feel about it?”

“If it helps me, I guess so.” I tell her with a weak smile. Fuck, it’s gonna be hard to get better.

“Alright, Valerie. It seems like you’re willing to cooperate. So what do you think about seeing me twice a week? I’ll keep in touch with your school so you can get caught up with your work.”

“Okay.” I whisper, weakly.

“Alright. Let’s talk.”