Gone || Ashton Irwin

Chapter 2

“You know, they’re thinking about putting me into rehabilitation.” Ashton tells me quietly.

“Whatever makes you better.” I tell him. “I just want you to be better.”

“But you’re not gonna be there, Valerie Hart. All I need is you. Not some stupid rehab center.”

“We can write letters.” I tell him with a gentle smile. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” He tells me. “I don’t really know if I’ll be able to write letters anytime soon. My arms are a mess.”

“Want some more jello?” I ask.

“Yes please.” He tells me. I feed him some jello and listen to the monitors beep quietly in the background.

“I’m gonna miss you if you go.” I tell him. “But I just want you to feel better.”

“Promise me you’ll send me letters.” He says. “Even if I can’t write back, send me letters so I can read them.”

“I promise.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I’d basically been living in the hospital with Ashton for the past week. I’d hardly left or slept. I’d gone home to take showers but I’d be back in less than twenty minutes. I didn’t want anything to happen to Ashton while I was gone. The paranoia was eating me alive. It still is. I just want Ashton to feel better. I want him to be happy.

“Ashton?”

“Yeah?” He asks.

“Remember when we first met and you wrote me a list of questions to ask me?”

“Mhmm.”

“I never got to ask you any back.” I tell him.

“Do you have any questions?” He asks.

“Plenty.” I tell him. “I just don’t want to ask them right now.”

“I love you.” He reminds me.

“I love you so much more.” I tell him with a sad smile. My phone rings and I answer it. “Hello?”

“Is he okay?” Luke asks, his voice cracking.

“Yeah, he’s doing okay.”

“They still won’t let us see him.” He whispers.

I bite my lip and look around. There’s not a nurse in the room. “Hold on.” I tell him. I put the phone up to Ashton’s ear. “It’s Luke.” I tell him.

“Luke!” Ashton says, a smile immediately appearing on his face. “How is everyone? Tell them I’m sorry. Yeah, I know. I miss you too, man. I’m okay. I’m feeling better. Valerie is taking really good care of me. I love her so much, Luke. Like a ton.” He says, focusing on his hands. “I love you too man, for fuck’s sake, you needy bastard.” He says with a laugh. “Take  care of Mikey and Cal for me. I know. Fuck, I said I’m sorry. I can’t take back anything I did.” He sighs. “Okay, I’ll ask and see if they’ll let you come visit. I mean, it’s been a week already. Okay. I’ll talk to you later, man. Love you too.” He looks up at me. “I’m done talking.”

I nod and put the phone up to my ear. “Hey.”

“Hi.” Luke says and I hear him sniffle. “Take good care of him, okay?”

“Okay.” I tell him, chewing on my bottom lip. “I will.”

“I’ll see you later, hopefully.”

“Yeah.” I tell him. I pull the phone away from my ear and hang up, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear with a sigh.

“Can I have some more?” Ashton asks, looking at the jello on the tray in front of him.

“Yes. I love you.” I tell him quietly as I give him more jello.

“Love you too.” He tells me with his mouth full and a goofy smile.

“So, when are they going to send you into rehabilitation?” I ask, keeping my eyes trained on his.

Ashton swallows and takes a deep breath. “They want to send me tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” I ask, my eyes widening. “That’s too fucking soon. Are they sure you’re okay? I mean, your arms are all torn up still and you can hardly get out of bed and how the hell are you supposed to leave tomorrow? Holy fuck, you can’t go. Holy fuck. Ashton, you’re not well enough to leave. What if something happens on the car ride over there and-”

“Take a deep breath.” He tells me quietly.

I nod and inhale slowly. “Sorry.” I squeak. “So, um, when did they tell you?”

“Like the third day I was in here.”
“You didn’t tell me?” I ask, my voice rising in pitch.

“I knew you’d freak out and I don’t want you to be any angrier with me than you already are.” He tells me quietly.

I pull my knees up to my chest and rest my forehead against them, wrapping my arms around my legs. “I’m not angry.” I tell him, my voice muffled.

“Yes, you are. I can take the truth, Val.”
“Okay, fine. I’m angry. But that doesn’t change the fact that you should’ve told me sooner.” I tell him, moving my chin up against my knees, looking straight at him.

“I’m sorry.” He tells me with a frown. He lets out a sigh and throws his head back onto his pillow, looking up at the ceiling. “I’m sorry for fucking up, Val. I just wanted to be dead.”

“Ashton-”

“I still wanna be dead.” He whispers.

That’s enough to send me into a fit of sobs. My shoulders are shaking and my hair is stuck to my face with my tears. I cover my mouth with my hand in an attempt to muffle my cries. I gasp for air between cries and soon a nurse comes in and escorts me out of the room, leaving Ashton calling after me. She walks me over to the waiting room and makes me sit down on one of the horribly uncomfortable chairs before running back to Ashton’s room.

I pull out my phone and dial Luke’s number. He picks up on the first ring.

“Valerie?” He asks, his voice full of relief, distress, and confusion.

“Come to the hospital. Bring the guys.” I tell him, hiccuping.

“Is everything okay?” He asks.

“Just come now.” I say before hanging up the phone.

I rest my head against the wall behind me and take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

“They better hurry up.” I mutter to myself quietly.

its gonna get better i swear