Gone || Ashton Irwin

Chapter 19

PART THREE

"A-Ashton?" I choke out.

"Holy shit, Valerie." He tells me, sitting next to me and grabbing my hands. "Luke told me you didn't want to see me and, fuck. Valerie."

I don't move.

I can't fucking move.

"Ashton." I whisper.

"Yeah?" He asks.

"Let go."

He moves his hands back slowly and gives me a confused look. "Valerie, are you okay?"

"Why didn't you write me?" I ask, bitterly. Tears are falling down my face and I feel all the anger I've been holding towards him bubbling over. "I wrote you every fucking week, sometimes more than once, but you didn't fucking write me back. Not once. You son of a bitch!" I snap, pushing his chest away from me.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He asks, his eyes wide and confused. "You're the one that never wrote me back."

"That's such bullshit, Ashton! I wrote you every fucking-"

"I never got anything." He tells me. "I never got a letter from you. Valerie, I swear I wrote you. I swear on Luke's life that I wro-"

"Don't lie to me, Ashton. You just didn't want me anymore and-"

"What the fuck are you talking about, Valerie? I'm-"

"Do you know how much it hurt me? Watching everyone get their fucking letters but me? Every week without fail, they all got their letters. But I never once got any of yours. I know you got mine. And I know you read them and laughed at how pathetic I was for believing that you could actually care about me. For believing that I was finally enough and-"

"Valerie, what the hell happened to you?" He whispers, his eyes softening.

"You." I whisper. "You fucking happened to me."

"Luke told me you were bad, but what the hell is this? Valerie, of course you're enough for m-"

"That's such bullshit, Ashton. Fuck, I can't even imagine how pathetic you must think I am. I'm just gonna go. I can't fucking deal with this, I-"

"Valerie, stop it." He says, firmly. "Look at me." He whispers, his voice getting more gentle. He tilts my head up until my eyes are locked with his and he gives me a gentle smile. "I don't know what the fuck happened with the letters, alright? I wrote you every fucking week, Val. You've gotta trust me on this. But you know what? We'll figure that out tomorrow. Valerie, I was locked up in that damn rehab center for what seems like forever and there's only one thing I have to say to you. So I want you to shut up and listen to me for one fucking second, because Valerie Hart, I don't know what the fuck happened, but I'm in love with you. And I've been dying to say it. I love you."

"Ashton." I whisper, my shoulders shaking slightly as I wipe at my eyes. "You don't love me."

"Of course I love you." He tells me gently.

"But I'm not the same anymore-"

"But I still love you." He whispers. "And I'll always love you no matter what-"

"But I did horrible things. I did horrible things to myself and to other people and you're gonna hate me after you find out about James and-"

"Valerie, if there's one thing I learned while I was locked up in that fucking prison, is that the past is in the past. Shit happens. Not everybody's life is perfect. We all screw up. I almost fucking left you, Valerie. And if you had the heart to forgive me after all the shit I put you through, there's no way in hell I won't be forgiving you for whatever the fuck you did."