Gone || Ashton Irwin

Chapter 16

I let out a groan as I throw myself onto my bed.

It’s been almost a month. A month of me trying. A month of going to therapy and putting a smile on my face. A month of getting my grades up. A month of medication.

And all in all, I feel better. Not a whole lot better, but still better. It’s easier to get out of bed in the morning and it’s easier to focus on school and grades. Things have been going okay.

But it’s still another month without Ashton.

There’s a knock at the door and I groan, pushing myself off of my bed. The knocking gets louder and I groan.

“I’m coming!” I yell out.

I drag my feet across the carpet and run my hands through my hair before opening the door.

“You come here often?” He asks, leaning against the door.

“Michael?” I ask, my mouth falling open slightly. “What are you doing here?”

“I missed you.” He says quietly, giving me a soft smile.

I launch myself at him and he wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me close to him. I breath in the scent of his cologne and smile to myself as he rubs my back.

“I missed you too.” I whisper as he rocks us back and forth slightly.

I pull back and flash him a big smile. “So, how’ve you been?”

“I’ve been okay. How’ve you been?”

“Okay.” I tell him. “Um, come in.” I say as I shut the door behind him. “You hungry?”
“Nah, just ate before I came over.” He says, taking a seat on my couch and turning the television on.

I plop down next to him and pull my knees to my chest.

“You look a lot better, Val.” Michael tells me quietly with a smile. “A lot healthier, you know?”

“Thanks.” I whisper, laughing awkwardly to myself. The past month had also been filled with some sort of weight gain, which I guess is good, but makes me feel horribly self conscious all at the same time. I was still far from my healthy weight before, but better than how thin I’d been before.

“How are you feeling?” He asks.

“I’m okay. Getting better. Lots of therapy.” I mumble under my breath.

“Hey, it’s okay. We all go, too.” He tells me with a gentle smile.

I look at my hands with a small smile. “How is he?” I ask.

“He’s okay.” Michael tells me, the corners of his mouth turning down slightly.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” He says, letting out a sigh. “He’s just, he’s okay.”

“I miss him.”

“Don’t we all?” He mumbles, throwing his head back on the couch.

“I don’t remember what his laugh sounds like anymore.” I whisper, shutting my eyes.

“Valerie-”

“I’m okay.” I tell him with a laugh. “I’m good. Sorry. Moment of weakness, I guess.”

“It’s okay to cry about it, Val.”

“I just think I’m out of tears.”

“I know how you feel.” He mutters. “But hey, he’ll probably be back soon.”

“It’s been months, Michael. He hasn’t come back.”

“But he will.” Michael tells me. “And he’ll be better than ever.”

“Yeah. Better than ever.”

 

~~~

 

“I think I’m over him.” I tell Luke the next day after school, munching on a piece of celery. “I sat down last night and thought a lot to myself. Making myself miserable over him just isn’t worth it. I mean, I loved him, but I can’t be sad about it. Love is about being happy. In a way, I think he’d want me to get over him, you know?”

“Yeah, I understand.” Luke tells me, making room for me on his couch. “But you’re sure you’re over him? Things like this don’t just happen overnight and-”

“It didn’t happen overnight.” I tell him, taking a seat next to him. “Listen, Luke, I loved him. But all this time away from him made me realize there’s better things to do in life than to cry over a guy. I think I just needed some time. It’s been a few months, and I think I’m over him.”

“Wow.” Luke says, leaning back a bit. “That’s a pretty big deal.”

“Yeah, I know.” I tell him with a laugh. “Michael came over last night and we talked about Ashton for a bit. After he left I kind of just realized that when Ashton comes back, he won’t be the same as he was before.. And I’m glad he’s better, I really am. I just realized that I can’t waste my life hung up on him. So I really think I’m over him, Luke. And it feels really good. Like, I don’t have to worry so much, you know?”

Luke nods slowly. “Yeah.”

I let out a sigh and take another bite of celery. “Yeah.”

“So what does that mean for you? Are you gonna start going out with other people or…?”

“No, not right now.” I tell him with a small smile. “I just need to focus on myself and get better. My emotional health is more important than a guy.”

“You know what, Hart? I’m so proud of you. You’ve come so damn far. You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met.”

I give Luke a smile as I nudge his side with my elbow. “Thanks, Hemmings. You’re not too bad yourself.”