Sad Dolan Twins Imagines

Memories (E.D)

I never expected what love would end up like. I always used to question if losing feelings was a real thing. How could one fall out of love? How could one just leave? It was never my intention to fall in love if it would end like this.

I gave up listening to others advice. I gave up letting anyone else in my bedroom. I'd be in my bed most of the time and I wouldn't open the door for anyone. They'd either do one of these three; sit down, lay in bed with me, or stay as far across from me as they could. They'd give me advice, reassured me it would be okay, and if I ever needed them, they're right there.

I liked their company. I wasn't rude and kicked them out. I heard them out and listened to what they said. But I can't lie when I say that when I heard the door creak open, I felt a little leap in my heart that it was them. That they were coming in to tell me that they didn't leave.

But the disappointment someone would see when they'd take a look at me. When I'd see them I'd cry a little harder and they'd think I was crying like that the whole day. But no, it's the little piece of hope leaving me when you weren't the one I wanted to walk in.

It was another day. My back to the door, the warm tears strolling down my face, and the lights turned off. Sometimes I could hear my family out in the hallway in front of my door, murmuring and arguing who'd come in to give me food, who'd sit down and talk to me for a little, and who'd remind me to get my life together. I knew that they didn't mean it offensively. They weren't tired that I was grieving. They just didn't know what to say or do. They couldn't see me like this anymore.

of course this morning, I heard the same bickering and the same, "no you do it." I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to not get frustrated. I knew they meant it in the best way possible. I just wish they knew not to do it in front of my room when the house has paper thin walls. So when I heard the door open, this time I didn't have the leap of faith in my heart. It was the same routine I had gotten myself down too. The first person to walk into my room in the morning would be family. Throughout the day it would be the occasional concern family and friends. At night, no one would come in. It'd be just me.

My eyes were still closed and I was still focusing on my breathing. I could feel them get into bed with me and lay down. Not part of the routine. Usually my family would put my food down, give me a kiss on the head, tell me how much they'd love me, and walk out. But this time, someone stayed. And this time, I wanted them too.

I slowly opened my eyes and his were staring right back into mine. I felt calm staring at him. His face was relaxed, the ends of his lips were up a little into a small smile, and his body was in the same position as mine except he was facing the door.

"I heard someone doesn't want to get out of bed." He said. I stayed silent. I loved his company and being around him, but I couldn't take it right now. It was like I finally got what I asked for, but for what cost? 

"Y/N, what's wrong? Are you mad at me?" He asked. I shrugged. I don't know what I felt in this moment. If I was mad at him, sad, happy. I didn't know what I felt because what do you do when someone you thought you'd never see again, comes back. Is he trying to haunt me? Is he actually here? I was too scared to touch him.

"Come on, don't be mad." I let out a breath that felt like I had been holding onto forever. But I didn't speak. My silence made him let out a sigh and readjust himself a little so he could get comfortable since we both knew he was going to be here for a little while. "Tell me what's on your mind. I'm here to help. I'll listen and won't anything."

I shrugged, not knowing if talking would do me any justice of what I really felt, "Why now? Why visit me after I kept calling you to come back. Why are you here now?" His lips curved a little down. It was like the words he was hearing was something he expected, but still wished not to hear.