peace

chapter 23

Meredith slowly entered Derek's office where he was pacing back and forth in front of his desk.

"Derek? Are you okay?"

"What?" He snapped. He hadn't heard what she said, his mind was too busy racing with rage.

"I'll take that as a no. Did you talk to Mark?"

"Mark?" He asked.

"Yea, Mark's here." She answered.

"That's just fucking great." He groaned.

"I think you should talk to him." She told him.

"Why?"

"It'll be good for you to get past this. I mean, don't you feel better with Addison?"

"Oh yes, because this is so easy to get past. I am just being dramatic."

"I didn't say that-"

"You were thinking it." He snapped.

"I wasn't"

"Don't lie to me."

"Derek." She hissed.

"God damn it Meredith. Just go."

"No."

"Just leave. Go find Addison for more pregnancy advice or something. I don't give a shit. Just leave." He barked.

"I am not leaving." She declared. "We are in this. I am not going anywhere and neither are you."

"Meredith!" He yelled.

"No. I am not going to go anywhere. I love you." She shouted, causing him to stop pacing. He backed up against his desk, then slowly sunk to the ground. He sat with his head and hands resting on his knees as tears streamed down his face. This was the first time Meredith had ever seen him shed a tear. She walked towards him, and sat down next to him. He raised his head and rested it on her shoulder. "Our deal was when I told you that I love you, you're supposed to say it back."

He laughed lightly then abruptly stopped as more tears fell from his face.

"Come on Derek, talk to me." She said as she rubbed his back.

"My sister came."

"The one that knew about Addison and Mark?" She asked.

"Yea, Amy."

"What did she say?"

"She- she doesn't regret it. She stands by her decision. I always thought that when we eventually had to talk to each other, she would tell me it was a mistake. Or she would even apologize."

"She didn't apologize?"

"No. But she did call me dramatic." He sighed. "It's just- They were my people. Addison, Mark, Amy, they were my closest family. And they all just, don't care. It took me forty years to realize that none of them love me."

"I can't speak for them, but I think it's not as simple as they didn't love you." Meredith said.

"Meredith, please don't try to defend them." He pleaded.

"I won't, I won't." She said. "But I wasn't lying when I told you I love you Derek. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone else. I am terrified about how much I am absolutely and completely in love with you. Unconditionally. I promise, I will never, ever chose anyone or anything else over you and baby."

"I love you too. Even if I am a disastrous mess who doesn't deserve you, I love you."

"You deserve me. We deserve each other."