Leave The City - A Trench Story (tøp)

Cancer

We set up camp at the old ruins, deciding that it would be a good place to stay for a while. There must have been some source of food nearby if the Banditos had once stayed here as a permanent camp. Tyler and I walked around searching for a nearby tree, bush, or stream that might hold fruit or fish, all the while keeping quiet. We came to a rushing stream that led upwards, and as we got closer, I could swear that I saw a fish jump up out of the water, into the air, and back down again. "Did you see that?" Tyler asked and turned to me. I nodded. We both went over and crouched by the water, waiting to see if it would happen again. Sure enough, after a few moments had passed, another fish leapt up right before our eyes. "Do you have anything to catch it with?" I asked. He shook his head. "I can try to grab it." He said with a smile. I laughed. "I'd like to see you try." Although I was joking, Tyler stretched out his hands, seeming determined to prove to me that he could indeed, catch a fish with his bare hands. After his fingers skimmed the next fish which jumped up, I asked him; "What are you even going to do if you catch it? Hold a slippery, squirming fish in the air until we get back to the camp?" He quickly withdrew his arms from over the ledge and thought for a moment. "We have the pillowcases." He said. "The pillowcases?" I reiterated. "Ya, maybe we can use them like a fishing net." He suggested. "Hm... well, I guess we've got nothing better to use." I said, giving in. "Great, I'll be right back with them." He said before standing up and running off back to the campsite. I stay crouched there for a few moments, then I lay down on my stomach and dangled my arms over the ledge, letting my hands be pushed by the strong spraying of the water coming up from the stream. I checked behind me to make sure Tyler was gone, and then I began to sing a song that I liked.

"I walk a lonely road, the only road that I have ever known,

don't know where it goes,

but it's home to me and walk alone"

I continued to sing the song, getting lost in my own head. As I was singing the chorus, I jumped and went silent halfway through a lyric as another voice joined in.

"Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me,

till then I walk alone"

"Why'd you stop singing?" Tyler asked. I nervously looked up at him. "Um.. I don't know the rest of the lyrics." I lied. He raised an eyebrow. "We hear that song all the time." I shifted uncomfortably. "I don't know, I just don't like the idea of anyone else hearing my singing." Tyler laughed a bit. "What?" I asked. "I hear you singing all the time." He said. I grew very nervous "How?" I questioned. "Just like the other night, when we were singing on the hill." He explained. I relaxed a little. "Oh, well yeah, but that's different. We were both singing, and I was just having fun, it wasn't my... real? voice... if that makes sense." I told him. "I don't want to alarm you, but I've heard you singing on your own too. Like when we were walking, or when you're in the tent." I struggled to collect my thoughts for a moment. "Oh, um..." I breathed out a nervous laugh. "Don't be embarrassed." He told me. "It's nice. You're good at singing, and you're always singing songs I like too." He said with a smile. I breathed out a small laugh and tried to think of something else to say. I wasn't sure why I was so self-conscious about it. Maybe it was because I had always lived alone, I was also always trying to keep my distance from people, especially once Tyler and I started discussing ideas about escape. Tyler's compliment should have made me feel better, but it almost made it more awkward. "So... did you find the..." "The pillowcase" He completed for me in my attempt to change the subject. "Yes, the pillowcases." I repeated. "Yeah, so here they are." he said before handing me one of the black rectangles of fabric. "I guess we'll just hold them out in the water and hope that a fish swims into it?" He explained, a little unsure of himself at the end. "Well, it's the best we've got." I told him. "I suppose we could also try to use a stick and spear, but we'd have a much smaller area in which we could catch one." I explained. "Hm, yeah, you're right." He agreed.

We stayed there trying to scoop up a fish in our pillowcases for a while, mostly just listening to the sounds of the river and humming to ourselves. "Hey, I have an idea." Tyler said, breaking the silence. I turned my head to face him. "What?" I asked. "We should sing a song." He must have seen the concern on my face. "Together." He paused for a moment. "You don't have to sing alone or in your "real voice" or whatever you were saying before, but just for fun. Like when we have the radio." He explained, reassurance in his eyes. I sighed a little. "Tyler, I don't even know what to sing." He shook his head a bit. "It's okay, here, let's sing... hm how about that one called "Cancer". I took a moment to recall which one he was talking about. "That song's not very fun though. It's sounds so desperate, and sad, remember?" I reminisced. "I really like those songs though." He told me. "I like all of the songs, but something about the sad ones, the...the real ones. They feel more raw and real you know? I like feeling like..." He stopped and then made eye contact with me, holding the gaze for too long as he struggled to think. "Well, I don't know how to describe it, how to... how to explain but-" "I get what you're saying, I... I know what you mean." I said. He smiled at me. "So, wanna sing it?" He asked once again. "Fineeeee. But you know what would make it even better?" I questioned. "What?" "If we knew what "cancer" was." I said. He nodded. "Yeah that would be nice. It sounds terrible though. He's not... happy. It's like it's something that's sucking away his life force and his... will to live. I always thought of it like the bishops, or DEMA." He told me. I nodded a bit. "Yeah." He smiled mischievously. "Okay, enough distracting conversations. Now you have to sing." "Now we have to sing." I corrected.

We both sang together, and I allowed Tyler to be the more prominent voice, making me feel more comfortable. I didn't try too hard, but I also didn't try to cover it up by making it bad on purpose.

By the time we were finished with the song, we had almost completely forgotten about the fish. All of a sudden, I felt a flopping weight in my hands. "You've got a fish!" Tyler exclaimed, reaching over to help me keep it under my control. We quickly closed up the opening of our makeshift net, and pulled it up out of the water. We both stood up, and I smiled, drops of water sprayed all over my face, my sleeves dripping, triumphantly holding up the still wriggling, sopping wet pillowcase.