Mphakamseni The Arranged Man

Mphakamseni The Arranged Man
#02
MPHAKAMSENI (PHAKA)

I'm the second born at home. Sometimes I ask myself if is this really my family? The way they hate outcast me when they do things doesn't bug me anymore. Only my mother acknowledges my presence, they judge me for my looks, being fat and having this big belly is totally a turn off. I have a low self esteem, I moved out of home and I'm renting a one room flat. Only my mother knows where I live. My eldest brother makes sure that he makes fun of me every chance he gets, swears at me even in school they used to bully me with his friends. As for the last born he gets physical with me at times and their father supports them. None of them are married but for my marriage was arranged, just because I'm not wanted. I'm used to this life it doesn't bother me anymore, everywhere I go I become a laughing stock to people, they laugh at my clothing and everything little thing I do and it has become a norm in my life. Sometimes it becomes more of a challenge cause I can't cook or iron my own clothes but I'm the best cleaner you could find. I have an outside bedroom cause I'm banned from entering the house. I just got married and I'm pretty sure she will join the squad. I want to sleep but I'm afraid jumping onto the bed I'll probably take the whole bed and that will be an embarrassment for me. She's not even acknowledging that I'm here. I've never shared a bed with a female before , I've never been nacked infront of a woman before. I want to talk to here but where do I even begin. Well I guess trying won't get me killed.
"hello sisi," am I even suppose to great her like that? Eish I just noticed that I wasn't supposed to say that. She's not even looking at me she just replied with an "Hmmmm" as if I'm annoying her or something. Let me just sleep and let her be, sometimes I even wish of committing suicide. Why does my life have to be this complicated. Why does everyone keep hating me. What have I done to deserve all this, maybe happiness was not meant for me. It's high time I accept that God will forever have his back turned on me.

SIBEKIZELO (ZELO)
I'm still stuck on the words his mother said at the wedding. I have so many questions I don't know if I should ask. What did she mean? Just by looking at him I see a broken man that needs to be fixed and loved. Why couldn't his parents give me the last born since we are age mates. I hear sniffs but I ignore them. He sniffs again more like crying, ow my Goodness is he crying? Did I do something or is he crying because I ignored him? Sighs I turn to look at him and indeed he was crying.
"Hay are you okay?" I had to ask cause maybe I'm the cause of these tears right now. Maybe there's something troubling him.
"Why would you agree to marry someone like me. As beautiful as you are you deserve someone better than me. Everyone hates me. I've tried countless times to kill myself but here I am, I failed countless times." He was now venting and I decided to keep quite and listen maybe I will find the answers I'm looking for. "All my life I've never been loved the only person who understands and loves me is my mother the rest of them hate me, even the people I don't know hate me, just because I'm different. I'm fat, ugly and black not forgetting this huge belly I have. Why dyo God have to make my life so miserable? Why do I got to feel the pain everyday of my life? I never chose to look like this.
Okay I didn't expect that and indeed his a broken man who needs to be fixed. But where do I start? What if his beyond broken and cannot be fixed? "so you trying to tell me that they don't care about your feelings? How did you manage for this long?" I have to keep digging, maybe we could get to the bottom of this.
"No, they don't care. Only my mother stands up for me. You know everyone works in father's company but I am here struggling, I don't even have a house of my own I'm renting a one bedroom flat. It hurts the most to know that my father bought his other two sons cars and I use taxis. If you also hate me I will understand or I can just free you from my world and let you divorce me. I'm tired of this life, no one understands my pain except for my mother." I've never seen a man cry this bad he even have hiccups. How do I console the pain his feeling? How do I make him better?
"shhhh hay look at me" I'm also crying cause this is just a mess I feel so emotional he has been through a lot. "We will have to work together to make you a better man and a person for yourself, your mum and for your wife. Allow me to help you, let me in your shadow. Remember our vows we shared at our wedding?"
He sniffs and nodded his big head "yes." He kept his head down and avoiding eye contact. How will a woman take him serious if cries infront of her, showing how weak he is?
"I may not be inlove with you but I will learn to love and appreciate you. We will be living for a week in your parents house and after that we will move into my place cause it has bigger space and we will take it from there. I'm your wife you my husband, I'm here to stay and I will like you to work with me. You heard what your mother said, I must stick by you through thick and thin no matter what." I'm trying to make him better but my inner self is aching in pain.
"You're the second person who knows how to make me feel better and yes I will work with you and thank you for helping me to share my pain. My mum always say talking makes one feel better." He said with a faint smile, but he still had tears on him rolling down his cheeks.
"Now wipe that face and give you're wife a hug" he stood up and Jesus his so large and tall and I'm very tiny.
"You're so tiny and you're the first woman I've ever kissed or even held with my hands, funny I know. I just didn't want to find myself in an awkward position." For a thirty plus year old he surely cannot kiss.
"Will teach each other along the way. I have dated but never slept with anyone. When the time is right we will learn together or even take classes even if we have too." I don't even know what I'm saying myself. We laughed still hugging and he didn't want to let go. I guess I'll have to buy him colognes, for him to smell nice but first have to talk about loosing weight once we leave this place.
"Let's sleep I'm tired, my own wedding day made me tired. Does that even make sense?" I like his sense of humour. We got onto the bed and he was still fully dressed.
"okay Mr first things first, we do not sleep with our clothing's. How will You even sleep in a suit? Get used to walking around naked infront of me. Now take off you're clothes so we could sleep." I ordered him, I watched him as he slowly took off his clothes, and I'm already in bed with only my undergarments. Jesus who still wears these old andies. Guess I have a lot of work to do with him. He got on the bed and I snuggled myself next to him and he tensed a little. "relax you're wife just wants to cuddle." I told him to and we dozed off.

BONGEKILE (PHAKA'S MOTHER)
I hope my son will be fine with Makoti. My husband is such a cruel man along with his kids. I long thought of living him but I stayed because of my son Mphakaseni. I should be at peace since his now married but how will I know if his eaten, bathe and taken care of. Maybe praying will put me at ease, I go down on my knees and pray :-
"DEAR LORD, I PRAY THAT YOU TEACH MY SON'S WIFE TO TRUST IN YOU SO THAT WHEN THE UNEXPECTED STORMS COME IN THEIR MARRIAGE SHE WILL EXPECT PEACE IN THE MIDST OF THOSE STORMS. I PRAY THAT YOU ARE WITH THEM EVERY STEP OF THE WAY, EVERY WORD YOUR SON SPEAKS IN HIS MARRIAGE SHOULD BE ENCOURAGING, THOUGH THIS MAY NOT BE THE EASIEST TASK WHEN ARGUMENTS AND CONFLICTS ARISE AMD HOLD YOUR TONGUE WHEN YOU HAVE THE IMPULSE TO SAY SOMETHING THAT WILL BRING YOUR LIFE DOWN. Amen."
"You know you are wasting your time. I wish his wife beats him till Jesus comes back. I sometimes doubt that his my son his just useless. He can't even wash his own clothes ayy maan. Take this basted to his father that's why I married him off I don't want him in my house or life anymore." This is his daily bread song. I just let tears stream down my cheeks like a waterfall, I'm beyond hurt. No amount of words will make me better. I switched of the side lamp and faced the other way. Only God will fight my battles. This is beyond me, my son has been through a lot in the hands of this man. I pray my son will be well taken care of, I pray he will not lack anything, I pray he will be someone someday. I love my son through all odds.