Longing •Bucky Barnes•

•Ten•

The day had gotten quite boring considering I wasn't allowed to leave. Books could only keep some so entertained. Even with the books about HYDRA and me avidly reading them, I could only do the same thing so much before it began to get tiring.

I had started to think about training again to get myself back into shape. I knew Fury would never approve it until he trusted me, but I was anxious to do something with myself. I hardly even knew what I liked, who I was, or what I even was. I craved knowing more, but I knew I had to pace myself or Fury would have me sent away.

I made my way out of my room to go watch the news for the hundredth time. It was usually the same stuff, but if I stuck around long enough sometimes they would cover stuff about the Avengers or HYDRA. It was hard to get information with how quiet things had been since they had recovered me.

I walked out and something caused a massive wave of exhaustion to take over me. I grabbed the edge of the couch and looked around the room. I felt a pressure growing in my head and my body growing weaker by the second. My body was tingly all over and my limbs had given out on me.

I hit the ground pulling the side table with me. A lamp crashed to the ground. I could feel the warmth of blood on my arms, but before I could do anything about it my face pressed against the carpet.

"Valerie, what's going through your head?" I heard and my vision snapped to a hospital room much like the one I was in with Tony and Bucky.

I was suddenly back to normal clear eyesight, but this wasn't real. It was something from before. I had short hair and my skin didn't have the same grey tone it usually did these days. I looked to Tony who looked just as rough as he always does. Maybe it wasn't the Tony Stark everyone made him out to be, but I rarely saw that persona. I only saw a broken man.

"Valerie I don't care what goes on, that's never the answer." He said shaking his head and raising his voice.

"That's where you're wrong. People die all the time. People die everyday to save other people and we all call them hero's. We celebrate their sacrifices, we give them memorials, ceremonies, and holidays." I said angrily raising my voice just as loud. "Why is my death any different?"

"Valerie do you hear yourself?" He said standing at the foot of my bed. "You are not going to sit here and justify trying to kill yourself."

"Tony, I'm a monster!" I screamed and my voice cracked. "You saw what my brothers and sisters that HYDRA's created have done to this world! You see them in the news, on the streets, for fuck sake on every mission we go on! Just because you think I'm different doesn't mean I am. I need to die so no one else does!"

"No Valerie! I won't let you." He said shaking his head.

"It's not you who has to live with that blood on your hands!" I said crying now.

Tony picked up a glass on the table next to my bed and threw it across the room. I could see his veins popping out of his neck and his face turning bright read. I jumped but kept my mouth shut. I hadn't ever seen him explode like that, even then. He was typically one to cope with jokes even when he was upset. I was shocked to see him react this way, even then.

"You have no idea how many people care about you and want to see you succeed. You're powers can be used for good, but only if you let them." He said sternly.

He was shaking with anger and his face was the last thing I saw before the image changed. I moved to somewhere dark. A cave like structure and the faint blue light of the moon. I looked over to see Steve in his uniform and roughly beat up.

"It's getting cold Steve." I said softly.

"I know it is." He said looking from side to side.

"Nat said she wouldn't be long. That was before the sun went down." I said irritatedly.