Longing •Bucky Barnes•

•Twenty Two•

We sat in a large room inside the Wakandan capital. It was less of a meeting room and rather more of a large living room type situation. I sat next to Bucky on the couch and I rested my head on his shoulder silently as we sat there. We hadn't even gone to get ourselves looked at because we weren't even sure if there was any medical staff alive to help.

Shuri was gathering up who was alive and have us meet here. I watched as Steve, Nat, Bruce, Thor, the small raccoon man he had brought with him, and a few others made their way in here. There was no hugs there was no tears just a room full of people who felt empty.

I was filled with guilt and a weight on my shoulders that I knew I wasn't the only one to bear. We all felt horrible. We all thought that if we had just fought a little harder maybe we could have beat this. Though we all knew we couldn't have done anything. We were far outmatched to have prevented this.

Bucky kept a hand on me at all times since the snap. He refused to let go of me as if he was afraid I was going to dissipate like the rest of them. My heart weighed heavy as I thought about Tony, Peter, and even Pepper. I was anxious to call them and make sure they were okay, but I also feared them not answering.

I felt safe next to Bucky, but my heart sank deeper every time I thought of someone else that could have disappeared. I got closer to Bucky and he brought his good arm around me. I heard the door open and Shuri came in looking red faced.

"This is everyone." She announced straight faced as she walked towards the middle of the room. "I've sent my troops back to count our numbers, but this is all of us."

"Are you sure?" Steve said standing near her. She didn't answer right away, but nodded and I could see her eyes becoming glossy with tears. "I'm so sorry Shuri."

"We have rooms for you all to take." She said looking around at the people who hadn't been here before. "If you need medical assistance you can follow me to my lab after this and I can see what myself and what's left of my staff can do."

"Thank you Shuri." Nat said as she was sat on a bar stool across the room. "I can only imagine what you lost."

"We all lost someone today." She said crossing her arms and shaking her head. "We all hurt."

"If there's anything we can do to help you, what's left of us will do what we can." Steve said in a lower voice.

"I don't think there is anything to do, but mourn." She said looking down at the ground. "Come, let's get to the lab. You all don't look well."

I felt the upset in the room, but no one objected her offer. A few stayed put like Steve and Bruce but most followed her. I got to my feet and I struggled to use my core and leg to stand. I definitely had a broken bone or twelve inside of me, but it hardly hurt as much as my heart did.

I was guilty to be alive. So many people lost their life undeservingly. If anything most of them deserved to be here right now over me, but I had won the lottery if you could even call it that. I won a lottery I didn't deserve. Not to mention Bucky was alive, I thought surely one of us would have been gone.

"Don't rush." Bucky said flatly.

"I can't help it." I said weakly.

I felt Steve at my side and he helped me up. He helped Bucky as well and I heard the sounds of Bucky struggling. I was worried, but at this point we were alive, I didn't dare not be thankful for that.

"Do you guys need anything?" He asked looking to us with soft eyes.

"Call Tony while we're down there. Please make sure he's okay." I said with my head low. "Peter and Pepper too."