Longing •Bucky Barnes•

•Sixteen•

Today was the day.

Today would decide whether or not I continued here at SHEILD and returned as an Avenger. I was nearly restless the night before in anticipation. I had a lot riding on my shoulders as it was, not to mention I had near 4 dozen people watching me right now. Most were agents, but a lot were other Avengers. They were excited for me to join them again, but I wasn't so sure I could do it.

I was stood dressed in actual clothes for the first time in a very long time. I felt weird to wear jeans and normal people clothes, but it just made me feel like I was one step closer to never having to feel that low ever again. It was just clothes, but I was hopeful to complete the task at hand.

I stood in the center of the chamber waiting for the test to start and I looked to Bucky. He was dressed as usual and watching me very intently. He had been my rock the last few weeks. No only did he help me learn how to hold it together, but he had taken care of me more than I could have ever ask for.

He had helped me through training and kept me grounded. I had fallen in love with him more than I even thought I could. Tony hadn't asked questions, but at the same time whatever we had going on, to him was working in my favor. I was expecting to have to answer questions soon enough, but I was thankful to not have to worry about that conversation at a time like this.

I saw Agent Fury walk through the doors and into the laboratory. His eyes locked on me and nodded back at him. I didn't like the man, but I had to respect he was doing what was safe for everyone else. The last thing I'd want is to be turning into a weapon and used against my own friends.

I took a deep breath as he went to go talk to Tony and Bruce. I could see both of them were nervous. I had a few slip ups where I couldn't fight it off, but I had been on a roll the last few days. I had one chance to do this and couldn't afford a slip up. I knew that even after this I couldn't let my guard down to simply just stop there. I needed to be able to hear these words and not skip a beat.

"Valerie are you ready?" I heard Fury ask me sounding emotionless.

"Yes, sir." I said holding my hands behind my back.

The door to my chamber shut and I took a deep breath. Bucky was watching me and looked calm, but I'm sure on the side he was stressed. He wouldn't let me see him sweat at a moment like this. I took a deep breath and stood there with my hands behind my back.

"Longing." I heard and as usual I felt nothing.

"Rusted." The voice said and I hadn't even registered the words yet.

"Seventeen." The man said firmly and I felt my chest get heavier. Not to an unmanageable stage, but it was uncomfortable.

"Daybreak." He said and nothing seemed to happen.

"Furnace." He said and I felt my limbs instantly weaken, but not to the point where I couldn't hide it. 

"Nine." I heard and I took a deep breath nervously.

"Benign." He said and a welt formed in my throat. I looked to Bucky and he gave me a wary look.

"Homecoming." He said and I could feel myself wanting to cringe in pain, but I held it back. Bucky looked worried but said nothing, just watched.

"One." I heard and there was no hiding this pain. I collapsed onto my knees and I tried to not completely double over.

"Freight Car." He said and I had no choice, but to curl forward.

I started to breathe heavier and whimper. I tightened my hands up and tried to just keep myself afloat. I could hear a ringing in my ears and my body was urging me to fall over, but I didn't. I took several deep breaths and sat back up with a exhale.