Porcelain

Chapter 10

Babydoll stared up at the blue of the sky above. Maybe this was what dying was like. It was strangely reassuring. Nothing felt real, as smoke and bits of ash floated through the sky. He vaguely heard someone screaming his name, trying to get his attention.

But he was so tired, maybe if he just closed his eyes for a moment. Just a quick rest.

No, something told him. He needed to keep fighting. What was it? Oh, right. Johnny was still in the building. Johnny was in danger.

Babydoll snapped out of the haze, and turned back to the burning church, desperately looking for Johnny.

After spending the week with him, Johnny had become the brother Babydoll never got. Babydoll was allowed to be Estelle again, to be a sister instead of another brother-like friend.

Estelle couldn't let that happen. She couldn't lose another person she loved. Maybe Babydoll was an emotionless fighter, but Babydoll was just that. Hard and emotionless. Perfect. Breakable. Fake. Estelle was a person. Maybe she hadn't been in her own life for a while, but she was here now.

"Johnny!" She screamed with the last of her breath, her throat burning.

She saw the slightest movement through the flames. In her peripheral vision, she saw another figure, rushing towards them. Dally. He paused, meeting her eyes. She raised her arm, and gestured as best she could towards Johnny, and he sped off towards him.

She smiled. Johnny would be okay with Dally. He loved Johnny more than she did. She could manage. So long as Johnny was okay.

_____
When Estelle came to again, she saw a crisp sterile room and smelled rubbing alcohol in the air.

She immediately recoiled. She was in the hospital. Hospitals meant death.

She immediately sat up and checked over her body. Bruised and tender, but useable. She took a step, and when that was manageable, she rushed out of the room as fast as her legs could take her.

She knew if she was here Pony and Johnny must be too, but they were good kids. They would be safe. Dally wasn't much in the fire. He would be long gone by now. Nothing held him there, so she rushed out of the room and down the stairs to find the door, the people around her too shocked to react quick enough to stop her.

Estelle was still being herself, she hadn't put back on her hardened mask of a personality. So she let herself be irrational, as she stood in ths street in a hospital gown trying to think of how to get home.

There was nothing much left for her though, most everything she loved was left in the church. It was all gone now.

Nevertheless, her overused and exhausted legs took her back to the abandoned house and up to the attic.

Babydoll put on a pair of jeans, and old belt holding them on his waist. A t shirt was thrown on, and a denim jacket over it. Babydoll was going to leave, but there was nowhere to go.

Everything Babydoll loved was gone. Everything Estelle loved. It was either damaged beyond repair, now burned to a crisp, or dead.

In that moment, Babydoll shattered. All that was left was Estelle, dressed to play a part. A role. Something fake.

In an attempt to distract herself, she put one of the records that had been strewn across the floor onto the record player. Dean Martin's voice floated through the heavy air, as Estelle heard hear breaths get faster and shallower.

She let out a scream. If only she had been faster, she could have saved them all. All of the people there could have been saved from danger.

But what good was that? Everyone she ever loved eventually left her. Now the gang that wasn't even hers to have was all she had left.

Ponyboy had become the kid brother she never got. Johnny was her best friend even though she'd known him for just over a week. He was her brother, whereas Ponyboy was Babydoll's brother. Estelle loved Johnny. She truly did. And she had let him down.

And then there was Dally. Dallas Winston. A boy she'd known of for years, and known for a few, even if neither of them really knew it. He deserved the better he was never going to receive. But the way he stared into her soul instead of whatever soul most people saw on the surface, the way his eyes carried weight beyond his strength, it captivated her. He deserved to be on the list of people she loved as well. He earned a spot there. Dally Winston the notorious bad boy. Who would have thought.

The way he silently understood her the way she did him, made her wonder if he knew. Knew the truth, that behind the perfect face of Babydoll held the broken remains of a girl once called Estelle.

Dallas Winston held some of her life's pain, and did so willingly. And for that, she loved him. But more than that, she finally admitted to herself, she was infatuated. Something about Dally Winston made her want to be Estelle and not Babydoll.

Deep down, she thought that maybe she could give him the love he deserved, but never received. Of course Johnny loved him, but it wasn't the same. Dally deserved someone to be there to fight for him the way he fought for his gang, his family, and maybe it was time someone did.