Porcelain

Chapter 42

"I fucked up," he whispered.

How he'd changed since they'd met. From a cocky boy who bowed to no one, and here he was in front of her, admitting to his mistakes.

She nodded. "But it's okay. It's fine. You're here now."

He jerked away from her. "No it's not!" He shouted abruptly. "I'm, I'm supposed to be the one taking care of you, and I let you go!"

She grinned wryly. "Good thing I'm still here. And we take care of each other, look at your self."

"That doesn't matter, I'm fine. I'm used to this shit. But you, you're not as hardened as you think you are. I know I hurt you."

"Dally, I love you. I really do. But please, get your shit together so I don't have to do it for you. You hurt me. You really did, I thought I meant more to you than that. You said I was your girl. And then you decided I was just another plaything you were tired with. But even if I'm not as cold, and hardened to this world, that just means I'm more flexible. I can be hurt and stomped all over time and time again, and I can bounce back without shattering. But Dally, I'm so tired. I'm tired of having to bend and stretch to accommodate for everyone and everything. I asked you before. Please. If you really want me in your life, work with me here. I can't keep us both afloat by myself."

"I know, and I'm, sorry. I'm sorry. But I can't let you go, again, without doing anything. I won't. Estelle, I fucked up, I'm sorry, will you be my girl again?" He spat out.

She smiled. "You're the one who said I wasn't in the first place. I'll be yours if you'll be mine again."

"You want me back?"

She rolled her eyes. "Of course I do, honey. You know me better than that. At the end of the day, all I truly want is you."

He didn't reply, he simply grabbed her face between his hands and kissed her, with a sense of longing and hunger.

"I've missed that," he groaned. "You're mine. Don't you dare forget that," he said, still holding her face.

"Wouldn't dream of it," she smirked, "but don't you forget, Dallas Winston, that I'm yours, and you're mine, because that's how we're better. When we're together we get to pretend we're just another couple, lost in each other, without a care in the world."

"Not pretend. We're done pretending."

_____
As she and Dally sat under a tree at the park, she nearly forgot why she was in Tulsa in the first place. When she remembered what big of a secret she was holding from him, she was immediately struck with waves of guilt.

His head was in her lap as she absentmindedly messed around with his fluffy blonde hair, and she thought there was no way he hadn't noticed her slightly protruding stomach, in high contrast to her normal sunken in one from several years of eating poorly.

Maybe he was distracted. Or ignoring it. No, that wasn't something he would do. He would confront her immediately.

"What?" He asked frowning, upon seeing her face slowly contort into a frown.

"I'm thinking about, where do we go from here? I don't know, I doubt you do either."

"Do you want to go back to Arkansas?"

She paused to think. "No, not really. At least not for now. I think I like having people in my life right now."

"What did you do with it?"

"What's "it"?"

"The farm."

"Favor from the neighbors again. But I'm thinkin' we should probably sell the horses."

He frowned. "No, I like the horses."

"Well, you aren't there. And I'm not there. And they're animals, they need to be taken better care of. And also, we could probably use the money."

He sighed. "They're your horses, do whatever the fuck you think is best with them."

"Fantastic, I think we can use the money from them, we don't have any reliable money source."

"Where's the money coming from anyways?"

She grinned. "Got left everything when my parents died, and got inheritance from my grandparents and my aunt and uncle too."

"So all this time, you were actually-"

"Not poor? Well yeah, but also I couldn't just go to the bank and reveal my identity. And I don't want the money anyways. It feels wrong. But if it's helping other people I'll use it."

"Why the hell, would you not use your own money, to help yourself? Do you see what everyone else around here lives like? Why wouldn't you want to get out of that?" Dally demanded.

"Okay, say I did. Then what? I would get robbed. Or somebody would get suspicious of where I got it. Or the bank wouldn't let me get it, I looked like a boy. I wouldn't be able to get into Estelle Parker's bank account. If I wanted to I'd have to look like a girl. Then I would get jumped on the street, beat up and raped. It's for the better."

Sirens wailing in the background broke the peacefulness of the moment. They both let out an annoyed sigh.

"We might as go home now," Dally sighed.

"What?"

"The whole point of being here was cause it was quiet, right? We're just wasting time now."

"I mean, yeah," she fibbed. "But what were we doing before if not wasting time, and where's home?"

"We were having a conversation."

"Most things you say are a waste of time."

Dally's face contorted into an angry snarl.

"You don't spend much time looking for words. You just act. And I think now that there's two of us to balance our bad decisions, it's not really a bad thing."

He calmed down a little. "Wanna go back to the Curtis house?"

"So I guess that answers my second question, that's home," she said, smiling to cover her look of distress.

Dally saw through it. "What's wrong? What aren't you telling me?" He demanded.

"What?" She said, trying to look more convincing.

"You've been acting weird since I said we should go," Dally said sitting up and facing her. "What's wrong?"

Shit. "I don't wanna tell you, you're gonna be mad at me," she said, her voice quavering.

"Spit it out," he demanded.

"Are you sure? Cause I'm scared of what you're gonna do."

He exhaled strongly. "Look doll, I promise I won't do anything stupid. But if you don't tell me what's wrong, we're just gonna be stuck here till you do."

She gulped. "Promise?" She asked in a small voice that didn't fit her.

Dally didn't like that voice, and he realized how nervous she looked. He tried reaching a hand out, and frowned when she leaned away.

"I'm pregnant, Dally. We're gonna be parents," she blurted out.