Porcelain

Chapter 25

In truth, Dally said he would call the Curtis house because he really didn't know what to do from there. People skills were not his strong suit.

He was concerned about Estelle, she wasn't even a normal weight yet, and she was already puking everything out. If she stayed on that path she'd wither herself away pretty fucking quickly.

Estelle had locked herself in her room with a guitar, so he quietly called the Curtis' without her hearing.

"Curtis household, Darryl speaking," he answered on the third ring.

"Hey Darry, Essie's puking her guts out and she won't eat, and now she's moping in her bedroom with a guitar, how do I get her back to normal so she can stop ruining, the, the energy, or whatever?" Dally burst out.

"Well hello to you too Dally, Essie eh?" Darry chuckled.

Dally scowled. "Estelle is a mouthful, I don't like saying it. It just sounds lacy and girly."

"Whatever you say, Dal. Do you know what brought this all on?"

"Not really, it's not like she told me and I don't fucking care either. But she hit the mirror and broke it, I think it's cause she looks like a girl after bein' a guy for so long."

"That would make sense, she was so skinny, too. It might be off putting for her to be gaining weight, her life is changing very quickly and it's probably a little hard for her to keep up. Just do your best to make sure she's staying healthy, that's about all you can do."

"Thanks, Darry. But no matter how hard I tried she won't fucking eat."

"Well you probably didn't try very hard."

Dally bristled. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Calm down, I just mean it probably hasn't been that long. Just do what you can."

"Gee thanks, you're really fucking helpful."

"Well I'm not there, there's only so much I can do."

"Yeah, true. I guess I'll call if something real bad happens."

"Well, even if it's not great stuff you're calling with, I'm glad you called, Dally. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine, I guess. Nothing's really happened."

"How are you and Estelle getting along?"

"Fine, I guess, we're getting along good enough."

"Really? Because it sounds like you're really starting to care about her, and I know she's quite fond of you," Darry chuckled.

He sighed. "Shut the hell up. How's the gang?"

Darry sounded tired. "About as well as they can be, given all that's happened. I think they're finally starting to move on a little. They all miss you, you know."

"No they don't, they're just still sad about Johnny," his voice broke a bit, "I'm just a part of that."

"Yeah you are, you're a part of the gang. Listen, call again sometime, would you? We'd all love to hear from you. I gotta go, talk you again soon, you hear me?"

"Yeah, sure, sure. Bye Darry."

"Bye Dally."

Dally hung up the phone feeling more tired than when he picked it up. He hadn't let himself think about it, but he was starting to miss Tulsa a lot, he missed having the gang to rely on. He missed just having people around him. At least he wasn't alone, but Estelle's company wasn't a whole lot better.

He then heard her voice resonating from her room, a voice that didn't fit her appearance, yet did at the same time. It was in a lower register, but still just as smooth as her higher voice. Given the rasp and roughness of her talking voice, it came as a surprise to Dally.

She seemed to be coming up with words as she played the guitar along. He recognized the tune as one she had played before, and now it sounded more like a cohesive song than before.

He didn't want to interrupt her, so he sat quietly, listening to her unique voice while she sang.

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Estelle wasn't quite sure what her goal was with this song, but she was sure that she wanted to complete it. Since she started playing, she'd always made up little tunes and sometimes added words, but she'd never really cared to finish them.

But this one was different. It was a way for her to get out her emotions, and to say them, without having to directly go out and say them. It was therapeutic, like writing letters to Ponyboy, helping him even if she couldn't help herself.

It had originally started quite sad, in her eyes. She projected into it her fears and sorrows, still focused around Johnny's death. It wasn't like she was going to get over it immediately, but at least her finally accepting that it happened was a good first step.

In a way, it was quite similar to her letters to Ponyboy, except Johnny would never hear her gift to him.

And even though she didn't intend it, it was also a message to herself, that she said she would love herself, but she lied.

That was the focus of the song, the broken promises she'd made along the way. She had promised so many things to Johnny before he died, but she'd lied. She hadn't done anything to move on or to be happy. She was permanently stuck in the past and foe whatever reason she couldn't move forward no matter how she tried.

She found a bit of paper and scratched down the chords and words she came up with, before leaving the room, a forced smile on her face.