Porcelain

Chapter 38

Estelle lived her life in a trance, waiting for something. Someone. She lived each day the same, and didn't complain about the monotony. Not that there was anyone to complain to.

She barely noticed as the weeks ticked by, and as the weeks turned into months. She had settled, and she didn't feel any particular way about any day. It was somehow comforting, it meant that she never had particularly bad days.

This was throwing her off though, and it was hard to live her monotonous life when she was sick.

Living by herself she hadn't felt pressured to eat regularly, but now it was hard to do even that. She had thought it had been some badly cooked meat or some raw eggs, but this was excessive. She had no appetite, and any time she did she couldn't keep much down.

It wasn't a stomach bug, there was no one in her life to get one from. A small voice in the back of her head suggested that maybe she was pregnant, but that was stupid. If she was pregnant, she would have had this a lot earlier. Right?

Right?

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She wasn't willing to let that one rest. If there was a chance that she was pregnant, she needed either a yes or a no as soon as possible. She wasn't going to let herself think too deeply about it or else she wouldn't be able to function.

She knew she would have to make a doctor's appointment, which was something she really didn't want to do. She'd never done it before, she didn't know what was involved, and she didn't really have the money either.

She paced the house for a bit, before picking up the phone and dialing the Curtis house.

"Curtis residence, Sodapop speaking," came the voice from the other end.

"Hi Soda, is Darry there?" She asked.

"Hold on. Just a moment."

She was grateful that Sodapop didn't question why she was randomly calling asking for Darry after a few months of silence. If he'd been in a chatty mood, she would have had to hang up then and there.

"Hello?"

"Hi Darry," she sighed. "Can you tell me how I'm supposed to make a doctor's appointment?"

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"The details aren't important, nothing life threatening, I just gotta get something checked out."

"Okay then. That's good. So you need to..."

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Two phone calls later, Estelle was scheduled to go see a local doctor that next week.

She wasn't looking forward to it, she'd had to use her real name. She was going to have to look like a girl.

She laughed a bit. Looking like a girl was what was so concerning to her, and not that she was potentially going to be a mother.

Speaking of mothers, the only real "girly" clothes she had with her was one of her mother's dresses.

She smiled looking at it. That dress held no bad memories. She could be happy to wear that dress. At least for a month or so, if she got the diagnoses she was so fearing.

She thought of Dally. She had told him to come find her, but what if he did and found out that he was going to be a father? Even worse, what if he came back and already was? What if he never came back to her, what would she do then? She couldn't be a single parent, she could barely take care of herself!

An abortion? Nope, it was too late for her to feel decent about doing it. It had been around three months since she and Dally had last screwed around. Had it been earlier she would have seriously considered it, but in her mind it was too late for that.

Adoption then? But who would take a Greaser baby from two stupid teenagers? Did people care about that? Besides, if she was pregnant she would feel pressured to make sure her, child, got a good life, even if it wasn't from her. How could she guarantee that though? How could she know that she wasn't sending a kid into the world to live the same childhood she did? That would be cruel.

She groaned as she realized she'd backed herself into a corner, and had pretty much accepted her fate of becoming a single parent at the age of 17.