Porcelain

Chapter 15

Estelle gulped. She could lie to the police, she could do "heroic" acts all day, but when Darry Curtis came up, with his arms crossed with a look that meant business, she was feeling quite nervous.

"I can tell there's a story behind this, but this isn't the place to talk. Two-Bit, go grab Dally and take him back to the house with us, would you?" He said in an authoritative voice that meant just as much business as the fuzz did.

"So, uh, you want me to go with?" He asked, just to make sure.

Darry rolled his eyes. "No, I want you to stay here and let Dally tell the story. Yes, come on."

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Steve slammed the door open, and the lights to the Curtis house were flicked on.

"Soda, get our guest some food," Darry ordered.

"Oh, no, that's fine. I'll take a glass of water though," Babydoll said politely.

After the water was gone, Darry leaned back from his seat. "So why don't you tell how you fit into this story."

"Okay then. We might be here a while," she said in her real voice, but tired and lifeless. "It all started when my mother died," she started.

Over the next half hour, Estelle had laid out her entire life story to the Greaser boys, and sat there uncomfortable, like she'd been stripped naked in front of them. She'd left out a few details, but the story was all there.

"Oh course Johnny died a hero. He couldn't have died any other way. He was always the hero. He didn't kill Bob. I did. I saw him. He was going to rape Ponyboy. And I couldn't just stand there, and let Pony meet the same cruel fate I did when I got thrown into the cooler. And that lead us here."

"Dally and I got to be friends, I guess, starting over at Buck's parties. We got in a fight once over that bitch Sylvia. But I think even after that fight, we walked away respecting each other. Actually, we didn't know this," she snickered, "but we actually shared a bed there for a couple weeks. Don't look at me like that, it wasn't at the same time. But the night, the night it all started, I took the two to Buck's, to Dally, so he could get them out. After that, that forced us to talk. And then, after I left town, I joined Pony and Johnny, at the church, and got to know them."

No one in the room diverted their attention from her as she spoke. It was like being surrounded by statues.

"I regret it, you know. I could have gotten them away before the church burned. Johnny could be here today. But even just saying that invalidates his and Pony's choice. They made their choice knowing what was going to happen. That don't mean I have to like it though."

"When we got out of the hospital, we were sitting in the old house. My old house. And we told our stories. He knows mine. I know his. It felt good to share. To know that someone else could relate. That we both had someone to lean on. But then it all fell apart. The rumble. The hospital. Johnny. The store. The cops. The gun. Here." She summed up, a faraway look in her eyes.

"Wait, back up. This entire time, you've been a girl?"

"No, I just magically grew a cock and balls one night and then they just magically went away," she said, sarcasm dripping from every word.

"So that time we all went-"

"And what about it?" She smirked, knowing exactly what they were talking about.

"That's why you kept your shorts on! But you still took your shirt off, how come you don't got, you know," Two-Bit trailed off.

She shrugged. "I probably don't eat enough. I've always been thin, I guess I just didn't eat enough to really go through puberty."

The Greasers went red when they realized exactly what had happened and what she had seen.

"Oh don't start acting like I'm some little girl here, telling y'all the background information doesn't change what happened," she chided.

"So what do you want us to call you?" Sodapop asked.

"I mean, I don't really care. Babydoll is just a personality I created. He doesn't actually exist, you know? But I'm so used to being called a he, acting like a he, that I really do feel like a boy. I can't really explain it. Looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, you know?"

"So do you want us to keep calling you Babydoll?"

"If you want. It's always been my nickname. But my voice, I speak a lot lower when I'm being a guy than how it is now, how it is naturally. But call me whatever you want, except in situations I'd need to have the cover of being a boy."

Sodapop scratched his head. "That's pretty confusing, but I'll try my best."

She smiled. "Thank you, I appreciate it."

"What's gonna happen with Dally?" Steve interrupted, to no one in particular.

"Well he ain't safe here, we don't know what he'll try to do."

"After this, he's gonna be mad as hell but he'll be more mad if we try and keep him here."

"He can come with me," Estelle said. "I told Ponyboy. When it went sour, I said I was leaving Tulsa for Arkansas and never coming back. He can come with me."

"No, you have your place here, you shouldn't just leave," Ponyboy argued.

She shook her head. "There's nothing holding me down here anymore. My family is gone. Johnny is gone. Dally has no ties left here. And Pony. I love you. I really do. But I don't think that there's anything I can do here to make your life better, to help you get the future you deserve. I can only drag you down from here."

"But you're one of the only people I've got left!" He pleaded.

"I'll call. I promise, Ponyboy. I won't let y'all forget me, and I sure as hell won't forget y'all. But my time here is done, and I can offer Dally a second chance."

Ponyboy was about to argue, but then Dally groaned, and his eyes fluttered open.