Patient

21

Kellan

Dear, Dear, Dearest, Cam;

I know, it's the fourth but hey, in my defense Dominic, Dean's girl, is still in this city and this is the only way I can express myself.

I almost leave the third letter in her apartment, I would've died. Don't get me wrong I would love to tell her all about you but, I'm just not ready yet. We made this agreement this morning. For every session, which has turned into a confessional, I'll give her a secret of mine. She could see through the thick walls I've built up and seen the real, troubled me in all it's glory.

I can see the despair in her eyes so I can only imagine what she can see in mine. Today she told me her favorite memory. As she told the story, she teared up with a soft smile playing on her face. Two things might have caused that: One, something is happening or happened to her mother or sister. Two, the next day or the rest of that day wasn't as pretty as the start.

I wanted to sit next to her, wrapping my arms around her and never letting go. I wanted to know all about her, all at once and that just couldn't happen. When I started prodding on her family, she got defensive. Her Achilles heal.

I can't wait for the next one, but I can't rush things so I can't continue tomorrow. I am breaking enough rules as it is now. I really don't to overwhelm her because the thing is, this won't only help her, it will help me grow fonder of her, understand her, be that one person she knows depends on her.

Today, I went to see her at the coffee shop she works at. Just to see her reaction if she would act all shy or if she would act like herself. She went with the latter. This amazing feeling filled my chest. She wasn't ashamed of what she would tell me later or what she already had, she trusts me enough to not care I know a whole lot deal about her and still want a normal conversational banter plus a few stolen kisses.

Sometimes I think things are just going to good for them to be true. I'm just waiting for the bug blow up, the fuck up that will tell me, Told you it was all your imagination, but I'll just have to be more optimistic.

Yeah, I know I'm sounding like a hypocrite always telling my patients to be positive and here I am hoping for the best yet expecting the worse.

But that's human kind for you.

How I wish you were here, with me sharing moments like this. Of course maybe I'd sugar coated a lot more if you were indeed here but it has been working for the past years, at least on my side.

Hope you're doing well, and that you think of me, even if it's to curse me.

Love forever and always,
Kel.