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Kellan

Dear Cam,

Three more weeks for you to become legal. I feel old you know? When I was a senior and you were barely a freshman I felt so proud. You got so pissed though when I tried to protect you but for me it felt like my duty. I hope this year I get to hear if you got my present or not. The best thing about you turning 18 is that the restraining order against me will be finally done with and can finally go up to see you and your father can't do anything about it.

Everyday I pray you don't hate me and every weekend as I enter Church all I as for is you, all I wish for is you. I pray for your forgiveness, for your health. I ruined you and even though God might forgive everyone's mistakes that doesn't mean you will ever forgive me. My renewed faith was the only positive thing that came as a consequence of my actions and I regret that it took a situation of such magnitude for me to find Him again. I know I still sin, everyday, but I know that some parts of my soul are in peace.

This past week was better than others. As a psychologist, you can't stop yourself from psycho analyzing a person, I have done that to a tat with all my closest friends but my neighbor it's harder than I thought. She hides things I am unable to pin point the emotions they evoke, something makes her anxious and grief is still present. The more I talk to her, the more I want to know. Would it be weird if I say I'd love to have her as I patient? she intrigues me, I find her a challenge I'd like to win.

At the same time I have this undeniable urge to grab her and slant my lips against her, drown all her sorrows and fears will my kiss. I want to make her happy, truly happy. Every time I look at her all I want to do is claim her as mine, I want to spend timeless hours surrounded by her scent, getting drunk on her voice, getting high of her kisses. Last night, I spent A long while texting her and it felt so normal, natural. I want that back.

I think I am still too crude aren't I? If your father reads these letters I guess he must laugh at all my stupidity. I've reached the point in my life where there only thing I care of is your forgiveness. I want, need, plead for your love back. Hope they are treating you right, just the way you deserve. Surely, your father might hate me, but has always loved you. How I wish I'd had that.

Love always,

Kel.

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