Patient

27

Kellan

Dear Cam,

In a mere week you'll be turning 18 after I spent sixteen years with you it is heartbreaking knowing you'll be 18 so soon.

Once more, I am not using my usual stationary again because I'm at her place. She fell asleep in my arms after she confessed to me something quite shocking. Remember when I told you how she evaded talking about her mother and that there were two options of why? Well, my instinct wasn't far from the truth. Her mother died on the day of her birthday after receiving a call from her demanding her to come pick her up after her dumb ass of a boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend.

Fucked up birthday, I know. Her coping mechanism became one I had grown accustomed too, no it wasn't the alcohol or smoking or drugs. It was something else, something I explained in old, very old letters. Some of her guilt is lifted off her shoulders. I know it is, she feels lighter around me, more at ease if that was even possible.

When I put her to bed, tucking her as if she were a sweet baby child, I noticed how young she really is but too soon she was dealt shitload cards. Today I might've pushed her too far. Well, actually we both did, we were playing for the same thing. She wanted me, I wanted her. The objective was easy, accomplishing it was another but to a certain degree I am glad she stopped us.

I want our first time to be special you know. It might sound corny as fuck, and my friend down there must be thinking I'm the most stupid human being walking on Earth for neglecting him for so long but I want to cherish her with each touch. I want to make love to her. Even if we are not in the loving each other part of our relationship but she deserves it.

She deserves being worshiped with every move I make, every word I utter, with every kiss I give her. It's amazing how in so little time, I feel so much for her. It kind of reminds me of you. Loving you felt as mandatory as breathing, as effortlessly as blinking. It felt right because you deserved it, needed it. Protecting you was one of my duties too and trying I failed in a huge way and that is something I don't want to happen with her because she means so much.

I think I'm gonna take her to that special place I took you the week before everything went apeshit. You wanted to get away from everything and everyone and I drove, for hours until we got there. The fact that that place is just like fifteen minutes from my place is what told me moving to Chicago wasn't a bad thing but an idea that would bond us even if you didn't know it.

I wonder what will be of us in a week, I wonder if she'll find out what I do on that date, I wonder what she'll think of me. I just hope I don't do anything stupid to mess up what we have. I love what we have and I don't want to lose it, like I lost you.

Still loving you like the day I first saw you,

Your Kel.