His Effect [h.s] AU

4

I think maybe the hardest part of it all was having to be here even after she wasn't. I wasn't going to be able to look over my shoulder and catch her staring at me, nor was I going to drive us to Molinari's and try another shitty wine infused coffee.

I wasn't going to have the pleasure of her company anymore and that became a fact the moment I stepped foot in the cemetery. My interrogation had been going for about two days now and if I went in again, I knew I wasn't coming back out. I knew exactly where to go when I saw a line of cars moving slowly behind a white hearse.

I had parked my car down the street and watched from a far. I didn't think it was the best idea for me to join them, especially since they probably know I was being looked into. From a tree, I watched as her parents gathered around, Jaque was crouching down as he cried and her friend Madi was beside him, rubbing his back from comfort. I was so far away but I could hear him shouting in pain.

I did no efforts to wipe away my tears as I cried silently. I thought I had cried myself dry when it happened but apparently not. This whole funeral felt unreal, almost as if it was nothing but a fucked up nightmare that I would wake up from any second. But I was devastated to find out that it was very real.

Life just loves to fuck me over when I allow myself to be happy, almost as a reminder that my life will always be filled with moments like this.

I watch as they bring her coffin, it was a yellow glossy color.

"What's your favorite color?" I ask her, trying my best to distract myself from what was circling my brain over and over. When Thomas and Zach were supposed to leave back, I was supposed to have Jo call her parents to make sure they don't come home because her and Jaque were at the beach, that would give them enough time to enter the house.

She scrunches her eyebrows together and purses her lips as she thinks of her answer, she took her time as if it was a hard question. "Yellow." She smiles, showing the right amount of teeth. She had a beautiful smile.

I furrow my eyebrows and cock my head to the side a little. "I've never really been a fan," I say. "Why do you like it?"

She sits up straight, liking the idea that I'm asking her questions. "It's a happy color." She says with a shrug. "When I think about it, it makes me think of the sun at the beach, bright days. Happiness." That made sense to me, in fact she could completely bullshit me and I wouldn't care.

"What color would you say today is?" I ask one last question, seeing Zach and Thomas look in my direction.

She looks around at the scenery. "Yellow."

I watch as her mothers knees buck just as they begin to lower her casket into the ground and it makes me physically ill. I shake my head. Yellow is her happy color, funerals are not meant to be happy they are meant to be sad. She had so much she needed to do and see and such little time.

As a tear falls from my eye, I look up at the cloudy sky, there was no sun. It's as if they knew the ray of sun was going home.

I reclined back against the tree, downing a bottle of beer as the rain began to drop down on me. From the distance, I hear the people walk away and get into the cars to go back to their normal lives. I watched as Jo's mother had to be helped out of there, wailing as the child they never saw was gone. A little while after, Madi walks away, leaving Jaque alone. She hugged herself as she was dripping from the rain.

She was a good friend, I appreciated that she was so overprotective of Jo. She saw right past my bullshit.

I watched as Jaque looked down at the fresh soil, securing Jo's resting place. I heard him let out a cry before his father is coming back for him and just like that, I must be the only one left at the cemetery. Once I see that everyone is gone, I stumble my way to the grave. My feet stepping over a few tomb stones, collecting mud under my shoes.

My vision was blurry with both water and tears and as soon as I reach the brand new headstone, I finish off my beer and drop the bottle somewhere else. I look down at the words engraved.

Josephine Emiline Clemonte. Born on the twenty-third of September, 1994. Died on the eighteenth of September, 2012.

Just a few days before her birthday, she was going to be eighteen. She hated not knowing what she was going to do with her life but she liked the idea of leaving with me. Maybe she was free spirited after all and wanted nothing more than to taste that freedom that she almost had. Had I not been home, had I left earlier maybe she would've left if she knew I was gone.

Maybe the bullet wouldn't have hit her.

Maybe if I refused to go with the plan, maybe she would still be alive. We wouldn't know each other, but nobody else would've died. But she did, she was coming to apologize for thinking I was responsible. Little did she know I knew all about the robbery. I never meant for it to get out of hand.

If it weren't for Jaque throwing a fucking tantrum and wanting to do the robbery himself none of this would've happened.

I contemplated killing him, but I knew there was no point.

"Why did you have to come around?" I finally say, wiping a way tears and water. The rain was still heavy and I was drenched. "You should've kept denying me. You should've kept trying to get rid of me." I sniff. "And now you're dead and because of me." I kneel down, digging my hands on the soil, feeling the muddy earth beneath my fingers. "I'm so sorry." I cry. "I'm sorry that I couldn't save you."

The bullet was meant for me, but I was not content to know that just before coming here, Thomas and Zach had been arrested after I made sure the police knew where to find them.

I knew I had to get out of here before they came looking for me too.

"I love you." I touch the headstone, the cold slab sends shivers down my spine and I leave a muddy hand print on it that soon disappears with the rain. "I love you and I'm sorry for what I've done." In the distance, I hear the wailing sounds of sirens and I look up in fear. "I've got to go." I say as if she can hear me. I reach for the necklace around my throat and burry it in the fresh soil. I reach in my pocket and take out her cross necklace that I had taken from her room.

Once I put it on, I kiss her headstone and begin to walk away towards the wooded area.