antidote | h.s.

21 - after life

ashton mackenzie

It's been a rough week.

Just... rough.

I haven't seen Harry since Sunday, and I hate that I'm gauging my mood off of how often I get to see him, but it really does feel like that. Sunday morning was about the only good thing to happen all week, and it's now Friday afternoon.

Every time I think about him, I literally feel like I'm going to throw up.

In the best way possible, of course. Or maybe it's the worst way, because it's caused by a good feeling. Why do I feel like throwing up when I feel good? That's fucked up.

I've been thoroughly exhausted every day at work. Every hour that my eyes are open makes me feel like closing them for another two, but, lo and behold, I'm never asleep before two A.M. every night.

And my lack of Harry really isn't the only reason I've felt like shit this week. Things just keep piling up.

First and foremost, this time of year is awful at work.

It's mid-October, and the kids are finally starting to settle in and get comfortable at school, which is great. But that also means they are getting more comfortable with me, and they think it's okay for them to fuck around instead of follow instructions since we're closer now.

Makes for a great seven hours full of tension and frustration.

I had a meeting with Charlotte, my boss, on Tuesday, and she said someone had spoken to her again about how I am supposedly 'struggling' at my fucking job, and they asked her to check on me.

The most frustrating part about this is that Charlotte only sees this as someone who is trying to look out for me, because she doesn't see my concerns. To her, this person is advocating for me because I don't know how to do it myself, which isn't entirely false, but I'm fine.

I, however, know this is bullshit. I know this is someone trying to sabotage my job and make me look bad to the principal. The only proof I need is the way I've been treated by my coworkers since I got here. If they care about how I'm doing so fucking much, then they can help me themselves instead of ratting me out. But they don't, they just want to ruin everything for me.

Needless to say, that whole thing hasn't helped me at work very much.

The other kindergarten teachers, Debbie and Liz, are still short with me. They seem very cliquey, and I am not about to get in between that. They quite obviously don't like me, and there's not much I can do to change that. As annoying as it is, all I can do is try to do my job as best as I can without the support of my teacher team.

Drew has offered to beat them up for me more times than I can count. They're two middle aged women, and Drew is a very muscular man that towers over everybody in the building. The math on that is a bit frightening, and I'm afraid if I say yes one time, he would actually do it.

Drew has also been very enthusiastic about Harry and I, even though I've refused to give him any details. Not that there are many details to share.

I don't know if Harry's told him anything more, but I know he knows about the kiss at the diner, and it took a few days for me to get over embarrassment once more after I learned the whole loft knew about that. He also knows that we had a date... thing... on Sunday. Other than that, I haven't heard a peep.

I've also been texting Harry nonstop every night. I want to say that's not the reason I've been up so late every night, but I can't say that.

It isn't the whole reason, but it's definitely the best part of the reason.