antidote | h.s.

36 - friday i'm in love

harry styles

The bed is empty.

And cold.

Void of my girl and my dog.

My fingers stretch to the ends, reaching my body as far as it goes to feel over her side of the sheets, curling the empty fabric between my fingers as my eyelids squeeze tighter together.

I usually wake up whenever she gets up, but I must have been knocked out. I always sleep so well in her bed with her pillows and her smell.

We got home very late last night. It was four in the morning by the time we were getting Nova into bed, and Ashton stayed up for another hour just worried about her.

Turns out she had a bladder infection. The vet explained that she had a piece of loose tissue somewhere that was causing the blood, but it wasn't something to be worried about, and antibiotics would do the trick for the infection. While it felt like a relief to know she was okay, Ash was still very worried, despite doctors orders.

I had to distract her, and we watched Friends until her eyelids were falling shut, which was when I allowed mine to as well.

I don't know what it is she was trying to tell me last night, but what my gut says it is makes me want to cower away and jump with joy at the same time.

I also don't know what it is that I'm feeling at the moment.

All I know is I'm obsessed with her and everything about her. I want to be around her all hours of the day and nothing less, and I want her to be mine, but I'm so scared she doesn't want me to be hers.

Unless she does.

Unless she doesn't and I'm severely reading into the things she said last night.

I've never felt like this for someone and it scares me. It's frightening that someone can invade my entire being like that without effort. She waltzes in with all her beauty and steals my heart every time I see her, and then it's all I want to do: see her. Feel her. Have her. Think of her. Have her think of me. Have her see me, feel me, have me. All of it.

She's consuming.

I haven't said the words that are coiling through my brain since Sadie, and I planned on never saying them again. A particularly difficult task for a hopeless romantic like myself.

But this doesn't feel hopeless and it doesn't feel like Sadie. It feels like all of the things I was missing with Sadie and more.

It feels like love. And it's fucking terrifying.

I love being around her. I love sleeping next to her. I love holding her hand and squeezing it back and forth.

I love it when she snores like a grizzly bear, even though she denies it. I love the way her face lights up when she hears a song she recognizes. I love her list of movies and her passion for each one. I love making her come and the ways her eyes roll back when she does.

I love that she always shivers at my first touch when I see her. I love her thighs, and I love having them wrapped around my head even more. I love the places she scratches her nails into on my scalp— where no one else does it as good as her.

I love that she always listens to the quietest person in a room and makes them feel heard. I love that she doesn't let me get away without a text telling her I got home safe. I love the way she cares for everyone. I love the way she cares for me.