Mason McCann heir to the Mccan pack next in line to be alpha after his father steps down, star quarter back for the Kennedy Highschool foot ball team, everything in his life seems to be going right as he takes the leap from man to wolf during the pa...
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" you do it to yourself you just and that's what really hurts"—- Radiohead
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The universe has a cruel way of reminding you your place in it and an even crueler way of making sure you stay in that place. Suicide, the act of taking ones own life , thought to be an act unforgivable , forbidden by religion, a sin. To take your own life, why is that? Is it not yours are you not the owner of your own existence or is that to property of one more powerful and fortunate. What's so great about existence? We're only denying the inevitable, that black abyss waits for us all . I didn't fear dying , no , there are far more greater things to fear living then death. I was more afraid to be alive. Danger lurking in every corner , monsters wearing the faces of people , the faces of friends. People you've even been taught to trust from the time you were a kid.
I always saw death as a release of some sort, a place where I could finally let everything go. I fixate on the world a lot , I still have a hard time grasping it , trying to figure it out. When I was younger and things didn't go my way not that they ever did, I would pretend they did in another world or parallel dimension. I'd tell myself that somewhere out there some version of myself was happy with all they could ask for.convincing myself of this and imagining that I was that version of me was how I dealt with pain.
It progressed, though at some point I just stopped imaging I had the reality I wanted and did away with reality all together. I began living in books and works of fiction. Dystopian novels , gothic romanticism, Fantasy , Historical fiction. the world was an awful boring place, but in my head I was a Queen a hero a wife even.
I guess that could be why I was numb to everything around me, why nothing effected me, as far as I was concerned this place was a day dream and my life was whatever I created. I could live up there in my head , in a book, in the world of another , in my own world but never in the real world.
I had, I'd lived in the real world and I hated it, I hated it more then I hate anything, but some part of me yearned to live, that part of me created something to hold onto. That something was the idea that I'd one day be rid of this town, rid of my mom's alcohol addiction , rid of the vain , entitled and depthless imbeciles that roamed this town and high-school, rid of this seemingly endless hell. That and my own mind was all that I needed to survive. so I sat in my silence read my books , held my breath all the while biding my time.
Then Finn showed up and suddenly all my efforts, all my walls , every last line of defense I had built against this world he had bulldozed, with each word, each smile, each iced coffee . He seduced me. I knowing better against my better judgement allowed myself to be seduced . Clinging onto the idea that I of all people had found something that seemed to evade even my betters, Love .
