The Save Rock and Roll Journal - A fall out boy / SRAR based journal

Book Two: My songs know what you did in the dark (light 'em up)

IV. "Somewhere another pretty vein just died."

27 February 2015, Friday @ 10:16

I've been writing more in my journal and neglecting my actual writing lately because, to be honest, it feels good to have this platform where I can just be me and have no one judge me or no one really care how I'm 50 shades of a fucking disaster. I just enjoy this journal so much and explaining the emotions certain lines from each of the songs on SRAR evoke in me.

On my life, SRAR saved me from killing off another pretty vein. When I quit drugs, I went cold turkey. The withdrawal symptoms where torture. And I could do nothing about it. There were times when I seriously would have rather died than go through what I was. And no one understood because everyone in my family is so "perfect" that they would never have an addiction. (Note the dripping sarcasm? I have an aunt and uncle who are pill popping, pain killer junkies.)

I continued to put my pretty veins in danger by cutting myself. This was cutting with the intent to cause grievous harm. I have a plethora of unsightly scars marking my arms and legs. I call them my battle scars and in all honesty, each one is a part of me. I can talk you the story behind every scar - even the ones I cut over when they'd healed - but I think me droning on about my life story is boring enough as is already.

There are a few causes I'm passionate about:

>> bipolar disorder / depression / anxiety
>> drug addiction
>> suicide
>> cutting
>> mental illness

Everyone's veins are pretty - too pretty to be "another pretty vein that just died." If you feel like you're struggling with any of the above and are at the stage that you feel you need help, please don't hesitate for a second in talking about it and seeking help. It will save your life.

FACT: 90% of people who try commit suicide regret it in their final moments. That statistic was obviously taken from suicide survivors.

My message with this journal post is to talk. Hell, even if you want to message me and rant do that. I wish I could save everyone who goes through a deep depression or suicidal period because I've seen the way a suicide impacts the people left behind and I do want to help.