The Save Rock and Roll Journal - A fall out boy / SRAR based journal

Book 4: Where did the party go?

IV. "We were the kids who screamed "We weren't the same!""

1 March 2015, Sunday @ 20:45

I've grown accustomed to people saying "I'm not like most people." It's those ones who generally are just like everyone else or, sometimes, a million times worse.

It's things like that that lead me to have developed a deep mistrust in humanity. I trust the people who I can tell are "not like others" or have proven themselves trustworthy.

Earning my trust is difficult. But along with my trust comes my loyalty and once you have my trust and loyalty, it runs deep. I'll go to any lengths for those who I call my true "friends" and sometimes, it leads to disappointment. But this is also something I've grown accustomed to.

Not everyone you trust, love or are loyal to is deserving of your trust, love or loyalty. It's a sad fact of life that not everyone has good intentions.

I am, however, deeply grateful to the people who have proven themselves worthy of my trust, love and loyalty. I realise I'm not the world's easiest person to get along with and getting past the many barriers I've placed up is sometimes more trouble than what it may seem worth.

The people who know me describe me as a completely different person to what I'd describe myself. I have deep running self-hatred issues at times and I find myself undeserving of a lot of the things I should see myself as deserving of.

A lot of people have told me I'm worthless, I'm ugly, fat, I'll never have love, I'll never amount to anything. And for a long time, I believed that. There are still moments where I find myself believing those words.

I went through a phase where I was deeply into self-hypnosis and meditation and I had forgotten about it until I went through a very rough patch recently and this video / audio really helped me focus on my goals. If you want to check it out, you can copy the link and paste to your browser. It'll take a few listens to get it to work but once you have it on lock, I swear it'll help with feelings of anger, panic, depression and anxiety.

http://tubidy.mobi/watch/PlovApcx7EOVEJpEo9vHbA_3D_3D/3gp-mobile/fs