Save me - LevixReader (modern AU)

Two - New apartment

Warning contains mentions of things like suicide, depression, and self-harm. Read at your own discretion. ( I do not promote any of these stay safe <3 )

This is it, your first morning in this apartment. To be honest you felt like it was too good for you. It was in a good city, on the third floor, with a lot of windows and a beautiful view. You didn't feel like you deserved it, you didn't do anything for it except bringing so much unhappiness to your family they had to kick you out.

Today was Saturday, a beautiful whole free day to feel like shit. You unpacked your clothes putting them in the cream brown dresser. You took the box with your dirty laundry and moved it to the side of the washing machine to start one wash load. You took the pencil pouch on the counter and went back to your room to lay on your bed. You took the money and the note out of it and counted how much they gave you.

'100-200-300-400...3000$ so I have 3000 plus about another 1500 from my bank.'

Then you took the note from your parents and read it. It basically said some information about this place like the fact it was a studio and the rent is 1000$ a month. They said 3 months were already paid and you had to do what you can later on. They won't give you any more money and that I was now on my own. They repeated again to only call if it's an emergency and that you really really really needed them. Overall the note was short and what was written only proved that they didn't want anything to do with you anymore. Even the studio was at your name and they didn't put themselves in the relative's section.

You took out your phoned and look up where to find an internet café near you. You found one 30 minutes away. You decide to wear the same clothes as yesterday and went to the entrance. Taking your phone, your wallet, and your keys all in your tote bag you got out locking the door behind you and headed to the café.

On your way, you looked around a bit to try and get familiar with the place. Everything was going fine until you reached a crowded road. Your heart started to beat faster and you saw some teens your age. You pulled up your hood and walked faster.

---

You were at the internet café and took a place near the printer. You started to make your resume, that was kinda empty since you only had two jobs before. You had your high school diploma but nothing special and you were only in your first year of college in the art department.

When you were done you printed 15 of them and search on the internet which places were hiring. You then made a mental itinerary to go give your resume to each place. Starting with this internet café. Then there was another café, 3 restaurants, 2 delivery things, 2 grocery stores, one service station, and one movie theatre.

After a long day filled with a lot of walking, you had applied to only 9 places who knew it was so hard? You were about to go back home but stopped on the way to buy some "groceries".

You got back home and unpacked your purchases. Lots of ramens, some apples, eggs, yogurt, and nuts. You went to your last unpacked boxes and took out the kitchen supplies you brought from home. It was essentially a bowl, a plate, a cup, a pan, a kettle, and one of each utensil.

You made yourself some chicken Mr noodles ramen ( Chicken flavor is superior thanks :>) and went to bed directly after that, you were exhausted from all that social you had to do today and decided that you would go out tomorrow.

---

It was now 6 woke up after a rough night. Nightmares kept waking you and you ended up not going back to sleep. You maybe slept 4 hours since you had insomnia last night and it was hard falling back asleep in between nightmares. To make everything better you had another headache. 

You got up from bed, a bit too fast for your frail body making you see black sparkles and feeling as your head is being crushed. You leaned on the doorframe waiting for it to fade and went to the kitchen for a glass of water. You sipped on it while watching the view from the window. That being done, you headed for the bathroom to take a shower and brush your teeth and hair.

Your morning routine now completed so you took off the towel around your body to dress up and take a look at your cuts who started to close up. You felt disgusted and ashamed about them but at the same time content and sad. They were the physical proof that you were suffering and weren't making it up but at the same time, they were a reminder of how awful, pathetic, and worthless you felt.

Seeing them made you conscious of what just happened. You were now alone in this world, unwanted by your parents even more than before now you really had no one. Why are alive? Because you're too scared to actually end it. But what to do what's the goal? There is none so why would you do this. Your only goal as of now would be to gather the courage you need to end it. 'What a beautiful pitiful goal' you thought as a tear ran down your cheek.