Begin Again | Park Jeongwoo

21

I've never been this nervous in my entire life. Even when I first got my menstruation. Or had my wisdom tooth extracted. It feels like, I'll be in a trial in which my whole life depends on it. Jeongwoo must have noticed that because he reached for my hands under the table and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"It was nice to finally meet you, Asami. I've been asking Jeongwoo to invite you over but he always told me that you're busy at school." His Mom began.

Miss Park, as I expected, was a gorgeous and elegant woman. Jeongwoo doesn't resembles her, but she's very pretty. The way she dresses is intimidating. With all those branded clothes, shoes and bags. At first glance, you could already tell that she's wealthy.

"Yes, Ma'am. Being a first year college student was never easy." I replied.

"O yes, I heard that you're already in college. So what are you taking up again?" She continue asking.

"Statistical Biology, Ma'am." I said.

"Wow. That's nice. You know, Jeongwoo wants to be a surgeon. I bet he already told you that?" She said. I look at Jeongwoo and give him a smile. He gave me one too.

"Yes. He mentioned that to me a couple of times."

"Does he also mentioned you that he wants to study abroad?" She said casually.

My mouth suddenly felt dumb upon hearing that. There is something inside my throat that is keeping me from talking or even breath normally. I know this could happen. I've heard it before. And I've heard it again. I never thought it could be this painful to hear.

"Mom. Let's not talk about that right now. I haven't decided about it yet." Jeongwoo said.

I was trying my best not to cry infront of them. I pull my hand from Jeongwoo to drink water. I have to get rid of this big lump in my throat.

"What? It was you who suggested that last year. And you've already chosen a school right? University of Michigan?" The way she talks about it, she looks certain. And I could only feel about it more and more.

"Mom.." Jeongwoo started.

"Yeah. I knew about it, Ma'am. And I fully support Jeongwoo for that. I mean, it's his dream, right?" I smiled at Jeongwoo.

"Good. I feel relieved right now. Don't worry, I know my son well. He's not a cheater." Is that supposed to make me feel good? I don't know what to feel anymore.

Finally, we're done with that dinner that feels like eternity. I already bid my goodbye to his Mom and he walks me outside their house. I've been silent ever since that topic was brought up and I'm sure he already noticed that.

"I don't want to do it." He began. But I didn't stop from walking. To make me stop, he hugged me from the back. And when he did that, I started to cry. "Please, talk to me, baby. I know you're mad right now. But please talk to me."

"Tell me what am I supposed to feel right now?" I said in a cracked voice. Damn. It hurts a lot just by thinking about it. What more if it's really happening?

"It's not yet decided, okay?"

"No. You've already decided about it until I came in the picture. That's the truth." I told him.

"Any decision could still change as long as it's not yet executed, Asami. So please hear me out first." He said, trying to make me look at him. And when he succeeded, he hold both of my cheeks and wiped my tears using his thumbs. "I don't want to leave you, okay?"

I didn't say anything. There's a lot of things going on in my mind right now. I can't think straight. Everything he's saying right now doesn't sink in. I badly want to listen to him but I just can't. I just can't. It's imposible.