Begin Again | Park Jeongwoo

26

"So what's your answer? Will you do it?" I asked, trying to avoid the facts he said.

"No." That was a brief and honest answer from him. I was actually expecting that. Though part of me still assumed that he'll consider it. Therefore I feel a little bit disappointed. "And you don't really have to beg because I will never do it. I still hate attention. I still hate being talked in public. I still want my life to be private as much as possible. Because you see, Asami, some people don't really change."

"I got it." I simply said. Though honestly, I don't get him. I don't understand why he has to say all of that? It's too personal. It's too much taken from our past. It was too us. "Thank you for your time then."

I was about to stand up when he speaks again. "Are you really going to lose your job?" He asked.

"We'll never know. But don't worry about it. It's not your problem anymore." I smiled at him before I left the cafe.

I went straight to the comfort room to do a proper breathing and to cry inside the cubicle. It was a pathetic scene. Now I know how those victims of bullying feel whenever they hide and cry inside a cubicle. It was the safest place at the moment for silent screams and hidden feelings.

Obviously, I am not crying because I might lose my job. I don't even want to be there in the first place. And you are right to think that I am crying because of Jeongwoo. I wanted to say so many things to him. But I don't know where to start. I'm so scared to tell him my truth. And I am as scared to know his truth.

Because after all this time, I am still hoping. Waiting. Loving.

That day, I informed Manager Kang about what happened. He was mad, of course. He asked me to try harder. Until he spoke about firing me from the job.

After everything that happened today, I don't think I can sleep alone in my apartment tonight. Therefore I went home, with Mom. To my surprise, I saw Asahi sitting on the front porch, waiting for me like the old times. I was so happy to see him, I ran as fast as I can just to give him a tight hug. He welcomed me with an open arms. It was a long and tight hug. One that I missed and been wanting to have in times like this.

And then I cried on his shoulder. Asahi pats my back. One more thing I love about Asahi, he's so comforting even without doing or saying anything. His presence and silence are enough to calm a tensed heart.

When I feel like I cried everything out, I sit beside him and in silence we both watch the sky full of stars. He handed me an opened can of beer.

"How do you know that I'll be here?" I asked him.

"The stars spoke to me. Your sister is coming, you should buy some beers." He said. I chuckled but he doesn't react at all. "You're my twin, we share the same heart and soul. So don't be surprise about it."

"Aren't you going to ask why I am here?" I asked.

"You tell, I'll listen." He puts his legs on the porch and hugs both of his knees.

"I saw him. Jeongwoo." I said. He doesn't look surprised at all. He already knew it. "We talked. But not that kind of talk. It's about my work." I sipped on my can to wet my dry mouth.

"How was it?" He asked.

"Well, he doesn't agree to my proposal so I might end up being jobless tomorrow." I said, clinching my hands against the cold can. I chuckled. "He told me that people don't change but he does. He does after reading my letter and doesn't give me any reply at all."

I started to cry again. "I know it's my fault. I made him do that. I pushed him away. But I did all of that out of concern. It's not like I didn't suffer from it. I suffered and still suffering, Asahi. And I can't do anything but to ask myself, until when I am going to feel this way?"