Chasing Kate

Chapter 5. A Feeling Spree.

Chapter 5

I wake up with the sun shining through the window of my childhood home. I feel ten times better than I did when I laid down last night.

I mozy myself up and trod down stair to the smell of biscuits and gravy and I'm pretty sure that is bacon.

I am thank God for the sight of my mother. Lord only knows what heart break she would feel if she had known the times I've succumbed to my desire of drugs and alcohol. I wanted to be better for her, to make her proud of me.

Our relationship hasn't been the same since my older brother Brody was killed while serving his 2nd tour in Iraq. She never gained herself completely back, but I don't imagine one could.

I'll never forget when those uniformed men knocked on our door. If I close my eyes, I can hear the sound of a vase shatter against the granite tile in the foyer and her screams that echoed through our empty house.

I guess if I'm being honest, I haven't been the same since his passing either. He was a hero, a man of his word and he was a damn good brother.

Brody and I are the exact opposites.
He was selfless and honorable. I am selfish and deceitful. Brody was dependable and respectful. I'm a punk ass and I never say what I'm going to do. I want to be like Brody in so many ways but with him gone, no one can show me the way. I'm lost in a sea of uncertainty and I rely on two things that never solve my problems, it just makes them go away for an hour or two.

Being in this house, watching my mom move around the kitchen, making to much food out of habit.... It messes me with me. It gets my head fucked up and I want to tuck my tail between my legs and run away.

After breakfast, with out any regard of what my mother wanted of me. That's exactly what I did. I ran away.

*******
I spent so much time under the influence that it was all a blur...

- June 02
Went to Jake Bard's lake house and we smoked weed until I ate weight in nachos and beef jerky.

-June 16
Went to West side of Compton to my old dealers house. He hooked me up with some good good.

-June 22

Party!!! I drank a whole gallon of Jim Bean by myself, maybe I have alcohol poisoning. I woke up with a girl name Gem. <--- probably a stripper.

-June 29th
Hung out with Jake Bard and his friends tonight. We got some cocaine and went ballistic. I'm pretty sure I have an assault charge tonight.

-June 30th
I'm still on my cocaine high, and I added a 12pk of Bud light. I drove my car home and wiped out my mailbox and my moms azalea bushes.

-July 4th.
Party again! More alcohol, girls and drugs. I didn't even know my name now.

-July 9th.
Jake talks me into heroin just like Flynn. I can see sounds. This is not fun anymore but I'm numb.

-July 13th
I took $100 out of my moms wallet. I'm not proud but I needed heroin.

-July 17th
Mom asked me about money, yeah right. Jake scored for us tonight, I'm not sure how he came up with the money but I don't care as I slid myself down the bathroom wall.

-July 20-24th
I'm on a 4 day binge. Have I slept yet? My heart is racing and my nose is raw. I'm sweating awful, but have I ate?

-July 28th

I can't tell you how long it's been since I was home. Mom is ringing my cell off the hook. I've wore this same ratty tshirt for 3 days now. I need a shower.... Jake & I score some more heroin tonight, as soon as I've hit my score I don't feel right. My head is about to explode, I'm shaking. What's that taste in my mouth? I feel bile rise in my throat but I can't move. I'm paralyzed in my body but my brain knows exactly what is going on. 'No! Luke don't you dare throw up. Don't. Fight it.' It's to late, my body shoots vomit up my throat and onto the floor, I can't move, I can't speak. I just lye in my own throw up, my eyes feeling like the sand paper until they are shielded by eye lids. How long has passed? What's that mumbled nose? What seems like that coldness? What's those lights I can see vaguely?

Why am I floating? Why does everything smell like alcohol? Stay awake, Lucas. But to my own defeat I can't fight the slumber.

*****************

I hear my mom, I would recognize her voice anywhere.
I hear a strange female voice and I can't place it.

My hand stings but Why the fuck is my head pounding? I need to wipe my mouth, I'm drooling. Why the HELL is my hand tied down?

Mom?! Mom?! She doesn't come.

When I awake fully, I can tell I'm in a hospital room because of my surroundings.

I see a small bed table with a pitcher of water and I would really like to have some right about now, but some dip shit has tied me to the bed.

"Oh good! You're awake!" My mother says cheerfully.

"Umm? Yeah?" I say and start shaking my hand against the bed.

"Why is my hand tied to this bed?!" I scream.

"The doctors did it for your protection. They were afraid if you woke up with a breathing
Tube you would freak out and try to remove it yourself. " she replied.

A breathing tube? What the actual shit?

"Why am I here?" Afraid to hear the answer.

"A security officer found your body lying outside the Emergency room door about a week ago. You were in terrible shape..." She stops and I see hurt in her eyes.

"I don't understand Luke. I just don't know why you couldn't have came to me or your father and asked for help. I've lost one son, I can't afford to lose another." As tear roll down her cheek I feel so guilty.

"I'm sorry mom, but I don't understand." I say.

"Lucas, you overdosed on heroin. You also had a blood infection in your body. I don't know the details. Ka-..... I mean the nurse said she wanted to spare me. "

I over dosed? Me? No way. This isn't a funny joke at all. I have always been careful and a blood infection? Probably from using the same needles over and over. But I could have taken an antibiotic for that. I didn't over dose, I must have had the flu.

Why is my hand clattering against the bed like that? Why is my stomach turning Into knots?

What the actually fuck have I gotten myself into?