Chasing Kate

Chapter 11. I can smell you from over here.

The room was silent before Dr Schwartz spoke.

I'm not sure if it was because of the way I read, what I wrote or if he really thought I needed to be locked in the looney bin.

I felt embarrassed and my stomach felt uneasy. He clicked open his pen and his eyes met mine.

"Lucas. That. That letter has left me speechless." He spoke softly.

"Never in a million years would I have imagined the depth of emotion you put into that letter. I have to ask. Why is it that you feel undeserving of receiving her love? "

"I guess because I always made mistakes. I guess I always made our relationship hard when it didn't have to be. If I hadn't been so young and naive maybe I would be worthy. But then I even doubt it. I stopped being who she deserved when Brody passed away. "

"Why do you think that Kate -Anna won't forgive you?"

"I wouldn't forgive me."

"And have you asked her to? Have you spoke to her and told her the weight of your mistakes make you carry on your back?"

"No. I've not been home in sometime and if it wasn't for the hospital stay, I wouldn't have saw her then. I wasn't prepared to face her."

"What about the hospital stay?"

"Kate-Anna was my nurse. Actually..... Kate is the one who found my overdosed body laying on the sidewalk and got me help."

"How did that make you feel?"

"I don't know why she would have helped me. Regardless of her being a nurse, if I were her I would have left my cold body outside for someone else to discover."

"The fact that she helped you speaks volumes to me, Lucas. Do you see that she took it upon herself to insure your safety?"

"It's her job."

"I can see how you see it that way."

He scribbled some more on his notepad and glanced at his watch.

"Your next exercise to help to progress you along is to venture out and apologize to Kate-Anna. I suggest you offer to take her to lunch, or coffee. Some where casual, so there is no pressure. Even if all you muster up is saying 'I'm sorry for everything' and leave it at that. If you do that, we can evaluate from there and see how that makes you feel."

"I don't think..."

He held up his hand as if to hush me.

"You have to stop placing blame where it doesn't belong, Lucas. Not every bad situation means that you place blame to yourself. As you age, your maturity, your respect and your outlook on things change. Stop assuming the worst and hear her out. "

Why the hell do I get myself in this bat shit crazy situations? How could he even suggest this? Is this not against policy?

"I'll see you next week."

He dismissed me. Dr. Bow tie Schwartz dismissed me. He has to be the conductor on the freaking crazy train.
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I woke up to the sound of the vacuum in the hall. Why must my mother insist on cleaning this early? I grunt and roll over to my left and glance at the clock, it read 8:35am. 'Fuck', I groan as I put the cover over my head.

The sound etches closer to my room and I know that whether I want it to or not, she's going to bombard my room with that noise machine sooner rather than later.

"Damn, I'll get up." I say under my breath and throw on a pair of sleep pants. I leave my bedroom door opened and I climbed down the stairs to the kitchen.