Chasing Kate

Chapter 41. Sometimes.

Up until now, my life had been a series of colossal fuck ups. Everything I had was mediocre before, everything I had achieved had been less than what I deserved because I had always sold myself short.

I had no desire to play basketball in college, it reminded me of her. I hated that I majored in literature, because I would find her in the words of the books I wrote, the words I wrote.
I had loathed dating, casually. Hence why I chose to stop basketball and began to sleep with anything that threw herself at me.

I didn't miss it. Hell, if I could have went back and changed it, I would have. I despised the person I was, he was repulsive and the thought of my son behaving that way, made my stomach turn.

I've come along way from where I had been. Of course, I hadn't finished my last semesters of my degree, I was still employed by my father and his partner, but I had what I needed.

I didn't need a college degree, a boat load of cash, a fancy place to live like I had thought before.

I had a need to be with Kate and Rhett. I was ok living in my simple life, there were no mistakes here.

Kate and I's relationship flowed like water rolling from a stream, we were constant like the sun. It felt good to be at this place with her. It felt alive, I felt alive. Not numb like I had been before.

Not many get lucky enough to find their soul mate once, let alone to fuck it up and find them again. We made our way back to each other and it had been one hell of a journey. We had found love, true love. The rest could have fell away.

I still can't believe that Kate and I are engaged. Was Kate really going to commit to me? Were we going to move forward, hoping the water would wash away the insecurities of our relationship and forget they were there. It seems to perfect. She is too perfect, to perfect for me. But she indeed was mine and I would spend the rest of my forever proving to her that she wasn't making the wrong decision.

I had never expected my future to ever turn out this way. My drug addiction had raged full force, I'm sure at one point I wasn't convinced I would make it to my 30th birthday. I'm not really sure that I cared about that either.

Life throws us curve balls. Humongous ones, some are for the best and some screw us all up. I would have never believed that I would have came home for my summer break and my whole life turn right instead of left.

I had expected life to give me the shaft, full force. But it was timid and trekked lightly around me. Was I that fragile? Yes, I had became so broken, putting the pieces of everyone else's life back together. At times, I was exhausted trying to right my wrongs.
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Sometimes lying in bed beside of Kate, It was as if would reach out to touch her and she wasn't there. The emptiness my heart felt then would weigh down on my chest and leave me breathless.

Sometimes I would kiss her lips and they wouldn't return to me. Sometimes looking into her eyes, they stared back at me void. Sometimes I felt I was losing the grip of her touch. Sometimes, only sometimes it was like she wasn't there.

Why did she seem to be fading away? Why did I try to grasp her, to no avail?

Why am I stuck in this place, right now filled with adrenaline and ecstasy and no way to shake this feeling?

I don't understand. I'm not sure now, with the sick feeling in my gut that I even want to.

Authors note:

I'm not quite sure how to let you guys down gently, but the next chapter is the end.

I'm in the early stages of editing it and making it convey what I want.

I hope that you have enjoyed the roller coaster of Lucas and my story this far.

I know this chapter is short and the ending I guess will be abrupt but I've always had this inside my head.

Please comment, vote and follow me. Hoping for 20 votes before next chapter.

I'm plotting my next story but nothing is set into stone yet.

Thanks guys so much. I've really enjoyed writing for you.