It all went downhill (boyxboy)

Part 2- White cloth

All I can hear is intense sobbing from my stepdad. There's noise in the background but it all seems like it's miles away. My heartbeat is beating as fast as a racecar and as loud as a drum line. The words of the doctor echoed in my ears. "I am sorry to inform you that Mrs. Miller and her daughter are pronounced as dead. We tried to revive them but the accident did severe damage and was unable to. My deepest sympathies go out to you and your family."

I felt frozen. Unable to move. My heart felt like it was replaced by a dark cloud. My hands started to shake uncontrollably, but I was unable to cry. I wanted to cry more than I had ever but the tears just didn't come out. My whole life was falling apart, trembling before my eyes and the stupid tears refused to come out.

This can't be real.

I saw them this morning.

God, please don't let this be real. "C-can I s-see them?" I asked one of the doctors with a shaky voice.

"Sure came with me." I followed the doctor as he leads me into a room.

I saw two bodies that were covered by a sheet of white cloth. The doctor then left me alone and I slowly walked towards the bodies. I felt very hesitant. My hands were shaking so fast I thought I was having a seizure. I managed to grab the cloth and pull it off the body.

It was like I had a gun to my head and was told that if I make a single move, even a twitch they were going to kill me. I stood there motionless for what seemed like forever, as my eyes start to fill with fear and sorrow.

I saw my little 2-year-old sister lying there helplessly. With all the damage I could barely recognize her. She had a broken bone structure with bruises and blood everywhere. The tears started to flow like a waterfall as I remembered all the great times I had with her. "Browa why do you have to go to school I want you to stay with me and pway with my papa pig." She asked pouting. "Sorry Zoe, you know that I have to go to school so that I can be smarter." "But your alwedy smart" she complained. "How about this, I promise I'll play with you after I get back okay." "Pinky pwomise?" She asked with her big brown puppy dog eyes.  "Pinky promise.", and then I wrapped my little finger around hers.

Once I got done with my flashback I grabbed her pinky ounce again and wrapped mines around her.

"Pinky promise." I said as more tears run down my eyes as I ugly cry.

I covered her back up with the white cloth and when I looked back up I saw another lifeless body. I walked up to it knowing who it was as I sobbed harder than the clouds during a storm.

"Mommy," I said and for some unknown reason hoped and prayed that she will wake up and say "What honey" like she usually does.

I removed the cover to reveal her face and saw my mom laying there. With her eyes closed, all I saw was the woman that birth to me. The woman who fixed up all my bobo's and made me chicken noodle soup when I was sick. The women who tucked me in at night and read me bedtime stories. The woman who told me that my dad loved me even though he left before I could remember. I saw my mother. My beautiful mother. Then all of a sudden I was filled with rage.

I did this.

I'm the reason they're dead.

It should be me instead.

If I had just stayed out of trouble at school my mom wouldn't have had to be called and the accident would have never happened.

I'm a terrible son and I deserve to be punished. I started aggressively hitting my head with my hand in an attempt to cause pain to myself. I deserve to suffer. I deserve hell. I deserve to die. I want to die. I kept on hitting myself over and over again until someone came in and pulled me out of there. It was my stepdad who hugged me in an attempt to console me. I cried and cried and hit his chest as I try to comfort my pain. It was all my fault and theirs nothing I can do, I thought to myself.

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My alarm ranged again like usual. I turned it off and got out of bed. The pain and memory came flooding back as soon as I stood up, remembering, in great detail all that happened last night.

I walked into my bathroom and saw myself in the mirror. My eyes were very puffy and red and I had a few subtle bruises from the hitting.

I also had an excruciating headache that made me feel like my brain was going to pop out. I tried to do my regular morning routine because even though any other day I would love for an excuse to not go to school, today all I wanted was to be at school. I needed a distraction and figured school was the best place to get it and boy was I wrong.

As soon as I walked in many people were staring at me. Apparently, the accident was broadcast on the news so everyone knew what happened. I walked into class and got a lot of pitied looks. I hated it. Even my teachers pulled me aside to talk to me.

Then it was time for lunch. The only periods I had with my best friend Benji were lunch and my last period. As I stood at my locker trying to switch out my books he walked up from behind me without me noticing and he touched my shoulder.

I turned around and saw his beautiful face that was filled with hurt and sympathy. He had tanned sunkissed skin with freckles that go over his nose. His hair was like the sun and it was styled in a curtain bang type of cut and was also very fluffy.

"You're here?" he said confused.

"No baby I'm a hallucination." I made a reference to one of the memes he sent me in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Are you okay Zero?" he said as he looked deep into my eyes seemingly trying to search for the answer. "I'm so sorry for what happened. You wanna talk.". He said. I sighed and turned around.

"No." I said, barely audible but he still heard it.

He turned me back around and hugged me. I was surprised so my arms hanged for a few seconds before I wrapped them around him. I wanted so badly to cry but I didn't want to do that at school. I held it in using all my mental capabilities as I placed my head into the crook of his neck.

"I'm here for you okay." he said to me into my ears and as much as I tried to stop it a teardrop escaped my eyes as those words seeped into my heart.

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It is the end of the school day and my basketball coach canceled practice for today probably because of me, and I don't know if I should be happy or not. On one hand, I'm glad cause now I don't have to deal with another 2 hours of people feeling sorry for me, but on the other hand, I have to go home to a house that is missing two of the most important people in my life. "Hey, umm...Benji can I come to your house after school today." I asked trying to seem normal but was feeling like a huge chunk of my hurt was ripped out. "Yea, of course, you know that you can come to my house anytime." He said smiling at me. "Thanks," I said as we walked out into the student parking lot to get into my car.

I have a black Toyota Camry that my mom and stepdad surprised me with the morning of my birthday. I was so happy and grateful when I got it that I drove it for about two hours with Benji that day. We didn't really go anywhere we just went to chipotle, then drove to some of our friend's houses. That was a great day filled with laughter and joy, I wish I could go back.