It all went downhill (boyxboy)

Part 23- Point of views

Benji's POV

I hate you!

Who would have thought that a three-word phrase could do this to one's heart? To cause this much damage.

A word so simple should never hold this much power, this much misery.

My heart feels like it's being weighed down by a ruthless shadow. The one that seems to always appear in the dark when no one is around.

The one that taunts me, constantly putting unwanted thoughts in my brain, reminding me of what he said. What the guy I love the most said.

I hate you!

It won't stop echoing through my brain, getting louder and louder as everything else around me quits down. Loud enough that it's the only thing I can think about and it hurts.

The way he looked when he said it flashes in my mind giving my eyes a glistering glassy look. My nose stings and I recognize the feeling warning me of what's to come next.

Tears fall down my cheeks for what feels like the hundredth time tonight. My pillow is being decorated by my pitiful sorrows.

I hate you!

He couldn't have meant that, he didn't. After he told me those soul-ripping words my hearing seemed to go out and all I could think of was how much my heart felt like it was sinking. How suddenly the blood seemed to stop flowing and all I wanted to do was get away from him before I start weeping like a pathetic little bitch.

Maybe I deserved it, he is right after all. I'm always on his case about something. Unceasingly bothering him about some random thing my brain desires to get paranoid about.

I don't mean to I just care about him a lot, too much maybe. Maybe I should back off, give him some space. Maybe I'm suffocating him too much and that's why he hates me.

It's my fault, I would hate me too.

I feel the shadow looming over me, pointing and laughing. Lecturing me about how right it was. It always told me that it was too good to be true. How could Zero have ever loved me? It was way too perfect. The idea of the guy I've been in love with for years actually feeling the same about me was as much of a chance as it would be for me to win the lottery, and for a second I believed it, I thought I was Bill Gates.

I love him too much for him to be able to feel the same. I love him more than the sun loves the moon that comes and gives it a few hours of rest as darkness cradles the night sky like a fragile baby.

I love him more than a fisherman loves the sea, more than a shepherd loves his sheep, more than English teachers love Shakespeare, more than Wattpad readers love their smut, more than Hotel trivago. (Sorry I had to.)

So of course he hates me. Cause I've heard once before that theirs a fine line between love and hate, and as much as I hoped and prayed that he was on the same side as me, reality smacks me in the face, clearing my vision with a simple three-word phrase.

I hate you.

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Alex POV

What was I thinking?

Why I'm I so dumb?

How to go back in time and fix a stupid mistake?

How to make someone fall in love with you?

If I was google those would be my top searches because those are the only thing floating around in my obviously brainless head.

I kissed him. I kissed him and I'm sure he hates me now.