It all went downhill (boyxboy)

Part 22- Messing things up

Zero POV

Even though it wasn't hard for me to fall asleep last night it was still hard for me to stay asleep. Someone needs to tell my brain to get over it. He apologized so my stupid brain doesn't need to keep reminding me of what happened.

I woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat. My hands were shaking as fucking always and I was so discombobulated I forgot where I was until I saw Benjis sleeping body next to me.

I had the dream again. The stupid dream. Why brain? Why do you have to keep reminding me every night with the most vivid details? Sometimes I remember things that I didn't know happened. Things I thought I block out that night always seem to resurface.

So I did it again. I cut myself. I wanted it to stop, the noise in my head, the pain in my heart I wanted it all to stop so I gave in and did it again.

Now I sit in the bathroom, staring out the window with nothing else but the feeling of guilt and a blade in my hand.

I heard the ringing of the alarm clock so I quickly placed the blade on the back of my phone case and left out the bathroom making sure there was no blood, no sign of what I did before I left out.

As I walked into Benjis room I saw him twisting and turning, groaning at the annoying sound. I turned it off for him and he turned his head to look at me.

"You're already up bae?" His deep raspy voice was as soothing to me as the carols of the morning birds.

Also, did he just call me bae? He has never done that before.

"Did you just call me bae?" I asked with a smile. I hope he did.

"Yes." He replied flashing those beautiful pearly teeth that I love so much.

He sat up as his messy morning hair covered his face. I ran my fingers through his hair, loving every inch of it before tilting his head up for a quick loving kiss on his lips.

"Your so cheesy."

"You know you love it." He said making my face heat up. He's right I do love these moments so much. They're the only thing keeping me sane.

He got up and we both made our way to the bathroom, and we did our usual morning routine. Brushing our teeth, washing our face, making dumb inside jokes, giggling about everything, stealing Benjis clothes that are bigger than me, getting distracted and kissing his soft lips, and making captain crunch, of course.

The morning with him was much more relaxing than my night. I smiled more because of him and worried less. I wish I could be like this all the time, but as soon as I'm left alone with my thoughts everything just dims, and the constant feeling of emptiness finds its way back.

"I really need to get my car before it gets towed," I said as we walked to school, passing the familiar buildings.

"Yea we should go get it after school."

"Ugh school, we should just get it now and skip school for today," I said as I looked at Benji hoping he agrees. I really don't want to go to school.

"Don't you have a history test today?"

"Oh, yea I forgot about that. I'm going to fail anyway so I might as well skip."

"No don't think like that, you got this." He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and I sighed.

"What's wrong." He asked, concerned.

"Alex is avoiding me. I texted him like a billion times and he wouldn't answer a single one, and in-class yesterday he ignored me the whole time. I really miss him. I wish we could talk things out, I want to know what's really bothering him." I said speaking my truth. I know that even though Benji doesn't like Alex he would still try to help because of me.