let me love you ~ michael jackson & ariana grande

misfortunate

                             March 21st, 2001

Ariana

A tear rolls down my cheek at a slow pace, falling right onto my muffin. I set it down and my hands run through my hair. The night we came home from Italy just replays in my mind, the fear I felt when I saw blood flowing out of me and onto the floor was haunting.

Dealing with this second miscarriage has been much harder than the first but I can't say that it was never expected. Michael and I were at an all time low, the stress we were both experiencing created so much built in anger within us.

That big blowout fight we had about him using drugs was really the root to all of this, after that argument, I felt so sick everyday and ashamed for what I said, I should have been thinking about the baby more but my brain was constantly flooded with thoughts about Michael and myself. Another couple of tears fall onto my bare skin and I close my eyes to mend the pain that losing our baby again has brought me once again.

Michael lounges down in the seat across from me. His foot was becoming better so he no longer had to use those crutches he hates so much. I avoid eye contact with him because I know it'll be waterworks if I don't. I open my mouth as my chest deflates. Michael cuts me off before I can even say anything. "Why do you always apologize for things that are never your fault, my love? This was out of our hands."

"I don't think it was, Michael. I was awfully selfish those past weeks, I wasn't thinking about anyone but us. He or she was supposed to be the center of my attention..." I stare at the picked apart muffin. I start crying harshly and that's when I feel Michael's touch.

"Why does the universe hate us?" I murmur into Michael's shoulder. "We've just been handed harder challenges than other people have, I suppose." There Michael goes again with always trying to find the positive in something. I'll always be thankful for that though otherwise, I'd be in such horrific states with no way of getting myself out. Out of nowhere, Michael gets up, holding my hand tight. He drags me to the living room where I stand confused. "What are you doing?" I ask as I watch him go over to the radio, he hits a few buttons and the old but familiar song blares through the speakers.

"You know, I was...I was wondering, you know, if you could keep on...because the force, it's got a lot of power and it make me feel like...it make me feel like...ooh!" I raise an eyebrow with a smile. Michael starts dancing while he sings along to the words. "Lovely is the feeling now. Fever, temperatures rising now!" A laugh escapes from my mouth and I no longer feel those depressing emotions weighing on me. I sing the next line with Michael playfully. "Power is the force, the vow!" He brings me into his arms twirling me around all while his foot is still stuck in that dang cast. "That makes it happen, it asks no questions why!"

An unexpected voice is heard from the entrance. Dede stands there, breaking out into song. Prince watches her, trying to hold in his laugh and Paris looks like she wants to join in on the fun "So, get closer, to my body now!"

Dede dances over to us and Paris does the same. "Come on, Prince." I urge him. "No way." His arms are crossed. "Suit yourself." I tell him.

"Just love me...'til you don't know how!" We all sing out. Dede pulls Prince into our little dancing session at the last second and he looks annoyed at first but eventually picks fun over his pride.

"Keep on with the force don't stop, don't stop 'til you get enough!" I gently hold onto Paris's little arms and sway her around, she looks like she's having the time of her life and honestly, I am too.

⊹⊱✫⊰⊹

May 9th, 2001

Ariana