let me love you ~ michael jackson & ariana grande

trying my best

December 28th, 2008

Ariana

I sit at the dining room table eating some leftovers from the fridge, it's quiet and peaceful and it's my time to relax while all the kids rest.

Things with Michael haven't really progressed to say the least, we're very quiet with each other and if I thought our talking was on a minimal before, then I guess we're giving each other the silent treatment now. We don't even sleep in the same bed anymore. He's currently god knows where, it was never like Michael to leave randomly and keep his whereabouts a secret unless he was angry.

Timid footsteps snap me out of my thoughts, I look to my left and see a scared little figure hiding behind the wall.

"Blanket?"

My little boy steps out of the dimness and comes towards me. "What are you doing up?" I question, plopping him on my lap.

He shrugs. "I couldn't sleep."

I smirk. "Do you want some warm milk and cookies?" He nods his head up and down energetically and I take him off of my lap.

Ever since Delilah was born, when any of my kids were having sleeping troubles, I'd make them this combination. For some reason, it satisfies them enough to fall back asleep or...they're just hungry.

I take the milk out of the fridge, and pour it into a little mug. I add some vanilla, sugar and a dash of cinnamon and pop it into the microwave.

"Mommy?" Blanket's little voice asks.

"Yes, honey?" I pull out some cookies from the cabinet and place a few on a tiny plate.

"Are you going to leave daddy?"

I stop in my tracks, turning around slowly. "What? What makes you say that?" I feel my eyes warming up.

His small mouth sits in a thin line and his eyes look sad. "That's what Prince said, he said that you guys don't love each other anymore."

I chuckle out of shock. "Don't listen to Prince, okay? I'm not leaving daddy and I do still love him very much, we're just going through a hard time right now." The microwave beeps, I give it one last stir before setting it down on the table.

"Why is it hard?" Blanket asks as he hops onto the seat beside me, instantly munching on a cookie. "Is it as hard as subtraction?" He sips on the warm liquid.

His innocence makes me laugh. I lean in closer to his face. "Even harder than subtraction."

He widens his eyes with a mouth open wide. "Wow."

I nod in agreement. "But that's why it may seem like we don't love each other. But always know, I love your father so much, Blanket." He sips on his milk again.

"I just don't know if he loves me anymore..." I faintly whisper to myself.

To my surprise, Blanket heard my muttered sentence.

"He has to! You're an amazing mommy, he would be really cuckoo if he didn't." He motions the crazy symbol beside his ear.

I grin at my son. "Okay tiger, it's time to go back to bed." I take the empty plate and cup and place it in the sink.

"Want me to tuck you in?" I ask my boy, giving him a big hug.

"No, I'm okay. But tomorrow can you read me Where The Wild Things Are? Tonight's story was boring."

I bite my lip with a giggle. "Yes, I will read you Where The Wild Things Are."

I hug and kiss my baby boy goodnight and watch him run up the stairs. Tomorrow, I think I'm gonna have a talk with Prince. The last thing I want is for our kids to see Michael and I's behaviour and think it's normal or think that I'm going to leave him.