I hate you

12

Feelings

Arthur's pov

He kissed me once, twice, until I've had his taste and realized I'll never get enough of him. The kiss felt magical, soft and rough in one. Jack was a great kisser but what do I know about that when I've never been kissing before anyways.

He deepened the kiss, I felt his warm lips pressed on mines, they were kinda damaged, but I absolutely loved it, because it was unique. He held the back of my head up so I reached him, to make out in more detail.

"I'm mad at you." I whispered, feeling he pulled away from me in the slightest way so we could talk, but our lips were still touching.

"Do you still want to leave?" He pecked my lips like five times in a row, making me blush. The attention I'm getting from him- is the attention I always needed and never got from anyone.

"I thought you'll hurt me if I will reject what you want. Isn't it what you said earlier?" I whispered, not breaking eye contact since we were so close.

"Come on, Arthur, we're both murderers."

Did he really have to spoil this moment?

"I hate you."  I chuckled.

"I know." He answered, leaning back down to get another kiss. I can't believe he'd actually kiss me again. I didn't hesitate a minute and softly took his cheeks, being careful not to hurt him, and pulled him into another kiss, with passion, trust, love, everything I've ever needed. Jack was kissing me harder this time, pushing his tongue into my mouth and I approved. This is the first time I felt lust and sexual tension, and I couldn't control it.

When I felt Jack began to pull away again, I gasped, leaning up to keep our lips in touch.

"More, more, I want it." I whispered, freezing completely when I realized what did I just say. What did I just say? Shit, shit, this is not me speaking, I can't even control myself around him being this close anymore.

"I thought you wanted to leave." He said.

I embarrassedly pulled away and nodded. Damn, he just rejected me? I can't even read his expressions at the moment, I'm too shy to look at him. Ouch.

I heard him laugh and pull me back. "I wanted to fuck you since I've first seen you. I ain't gonna let you leave. But you're gonna behave."

I kept quiet. Oh shit. Am I ready for this?

Jack's pov

I don't understand those feelings I'm having towards Arthur. I don't want to believe in those bullshits and fairytales. But he's so weird. I remember having this feeling only once in life.

And that's when we were kids.

He always understood me.
It's him who made me feel a positive thing.
It's him who comforted me when I got beaten up from my fucking father.
It's him who saw me crying because of that.

Oh, I need to be soft with him. And I never even thought about being soft, never ever, especially when it comes to sex. I was always rough with whoever. But I'm too scared I'll hurt him.

Fuck, I.. I think i'm catching something positive towards Arthur. I think I have feelings for him.... Again.

"Jack, it's my first time" He mumbled, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I thought my heart is gonna explode at the cuteness of him. His face was dark red, he was biting his lower lip and his eyes were looking everywhere around the room, but me. He was embarrassed.

"Don't worry. I'll give you a safe word." I whispered, leaning to his ear, kissing it softly. "It's, cupcake."

"I-I won't be needing a safe word.. You won't be rough with me right?" there was fear in his voice.

He was frightened. He was scared of me, and it made me feel kinda sad inside-- But again, I didn't understand why. I loved it when people were afraid of me. I guess I just didn't want Arthur to be scared of me. I wanted him to feel safe, after all. I get that he was a virgin and he sure had to be nervous about this, but, this much? Why? Why would he be scared of having sex?

"It's just in case." I said softly.

Arthurs pov

The nightmare I had about Jack is freaking me out. I mean, I know he wouldn't hurt me. He's not mean. He acts mean. Unfortunately, the nightmare isn't the only thing that's freaking me out about having sexual intercourse.

But I don't want to think about that.

Jack indeed looked like that kind of guy who would fuck without feelings, just for lust, but the problem is that;
I do have feelings for him. That's why it's scaring me.

"I'm scared." I said with low voice, on the edge of crying. Again.

Damn it! I was ready for a while, this was an exciting moment, but my thoughts and ill brain had to ruin it. I always ruin everything! I'm useless, and totally not ready for this.

I am not ready.

I am not ready for this.

I know I'll feel guilty if I do this with him now, I'll end up broken anyways.

When he looked at me, I saw a bit of disappointment in his eyes, and that made me feel bad. He sat up, letting go of me completely, and the feeling disappeared. Oh, I want his lips against mine again. I miss it, and it's only been a minute.

"I'm sorr-"

"No, no," He interrupted my apology and stood up, leaving me on the bed alone. "we don't have to do it." He said kind of awkwardly, rubbing his hair.

This is the first time he's been rejected. I know it.

"I have to, uh, work something out." He said and took his coat. He looked in hurry. Mostly he looked confused and upset.

"Are you mad at me?" I stood up. "I'm not ready."

"It's not like we're a thing!" He snapped at me.

I gasped. Is he really that mad at me for not being ready? What are we even?

What are we, if we're not a thing?