Liberosis (A Marauders Era Fanfiction)

Two

//TW Suicidal Ideation//

I walk to class by Lily while she rambles on about being nervous for the start of our NEWT levels. I just nod an try and pretend I'm listening. When we get to class I sit by her and but don't take anything out. McGonagall comes in and goes to the front of the class. She asks everyone to get out their textbooks and to open to page 1. I just sit with my foot propped on the edge of the table playing with the laces on my boot.

"Miss Sterne would you get your book out" she says turning to me.

"No thanks professor" I say not even looking up.

"Miss Sterne I will not ask again please get out your book and get your foot off my table" she says louder.

"I will not answer again no" I say looking up at her. She comes closer to my desk.

"I am trying to be patient with you given-" she says quietly.

"Given what my dead brother oh that's very kind of your professor" I say loudly. I hear Lily gasp a little beside me and lower her head.

"Miss Sterne please lower your voice" she says.

"No" I say.

"Please go out to the hall" she says and I get up and walk out. She follows me.

"Sterne I am very sorry for your loss and I understand this must be difficult for you however in class you need to listen to your teacher there is a time and a place to-" she begins.

"To what have my grief I'm sorry I wasn't aware it could be turned on and off professor I'll just try that" I say.

"That is not any way to speak to a professor" she scolds. "Now I was going to say there is a time and a place to display your emotions and that if you are having a bad day it is fine to have your friends let your teachers know and you can stay out of class but coming to class and causing disruptions is not acceptable" she says.

"All I have is bad days" I say with a laugh. She frowns.

"Do you need to talk about it after class" she says.

"Nope I'm good lets go back in now" I say and she nods reluctantly we go sit down and she starts the lesson but I don't pay attention.

------

"El you can't talk to professors like that you could get in trouble" Lily says when we sit down to lunch.

"It doesn't matter I'll just get detention who cares" I say.

"If you keep getting them you could get bigger repercussions" she says.

"I don't think that's true me and the boys get at least one every other week and nothing more has come of it" I say. "Plus what will happen they will kick me out I really doubt it with all the students dropping out this year to join the death eaters" I say before searching the crowd of students. My eyes land on Regulus and I get up signaling him to follow me. We walk out of the Great Hall and meet in an empty corridor. "Before you say anything about this morning I need you to remember our conversation on the train" I say and he rolls his eyes.

"I won't reprimand you I know its pointless" he says and I relax a little. "Now tell me how you are I know the first day without him can't be easy" he says and I tense back up.

"I'm not going to talk about him with you" I say.

"Then who will you talk about him with El give me a name and I will bring them to you" Reg says pleadingly.

"No one there's nothing to talk about really he's gone and I'm here and its not okay nor will it ever be" I say. "If you ask me about him again I can't keep being around you and you are the only person I feel like being around so please don't ask again" I say looking him in the eyes. He gives me a look of sadness but not pity how almost everyone does now.