a/n FINALLY finished this chapter, very sorry, i have a procrastination problem.
content warning: suicide, drug use, self harm, homophobia, abuse
suicide prevention lifeline: 800-273-8255
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"All this i-its just a bit much for me."
He always ended up back here. In his car, debating whether or not he was ready to go.
He wanted to go back inside and fall into Karl's arms. He'd apologize for walking out then say he'd never leave again. But how could he know he wouldn't leave again?
He'd hurt Karl.
Those words replayed in his head. He couldn't get over it. No matter how much he hated to admit it he did need help. He'd known that a long time.
He didn't want help, though. He desperately wanted to be fine, without assistance from anyone.
It seemed like his car was getting smaller and smaller. No matter how high he turned on the fan he couldn't stop sweating.
He tried to pass off the tears running from the eyes as sweat, but his efforts were meek. His tears quickly overpowering the sweat, bringing him to wipe his hands under his eyes.
He desperately needed Karl. He wanted to be held, but he knew he didn't deserve it. Karl's sympathy wasn't something he had earned so why should he expect it. It was his fault too.
It was his fault for walking in that damn laundry room.
Slamming his head down on the steering wheel, he let the first sob go.
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"Nick get your ass in here," Sapnap gulped, shaking at the sound of his father's voice
"I-I'm coming."
"Dave, why don't you give him a break for the day?" His mom's voice sounded so small next to his father's.
"Fuck no, he has to learn his lesson."
His dad had walked in on him and one of his friends at one of their sleepovers. They were young. They had no idea what they were doing. They just knew that it.... well, that it felt good.
Of course his dad wasn't taking that. His son wasn't going to be a "fucking fairy" so he'd signed Sapnap up to be on the football team the next year.
High school was hell, plain and simple.
"I'm ready, sir," Sapnap stood in front of his dad with his head tilted down.
"That's what I thought," the sound of knuckles popping rang in Sapnap's ear. He braced himself for the coming impact.
He gulped, trying to hide a whimper of fear. Fear wasn't an option. He wasn't allowed to be scared.
The first slap always stung the worst. After about two the skin went numb, lessening the impact.
"Stop crying, you look pathetic," his father spat.
That was where he learned to hate tears. He didn't want to be pathetic. He was too young to know any better. His father's words were gospel.
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MELODRAMA | karlnap
Romansa"we told you this was melodrama you wanted something that we offered" -sober 2 (melodrama) by lorde ........................ karlnap college au inspired by the album "melodrama" by lorde also, as i like to call it, an "everyone is g...
